


Hollow

by Misanagi



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Angst, Drama, Empathy, Friendship, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-07-29
Updated: 2006-08-04
Packaged: 2017-10-12 04:14:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/120637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misanagi/pseuds/Misanagi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the war Heero has found his way, but some of the pilots are still trying to find theirs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Very special thanks to Anne for the beta, and to everyone I ever spammed with snippets of this fic, and encouraged me to write. *hugs you all*

Duo was the first to see him. He had looked through that disguise, the tiredness and filth, and seen what I had been too distracted to notice. Duo told me that it was the hands that had forced him to take a closer look at the lonely man, eating soup in the small L2 diner. After lingering for a while on the long fingers, Duo started to notice more things: the way the man held the spoon, how straight his back was, or the fact that he had chosen a corner table facing the door. After that, Duo said, it was easy to find their old friend hidden under ragged clothes.

After the war we all needed time to sort things out. Peace, as desired as it was, signaled for us the ending of everything we'd fought for, but even worse, a new beginning of something we couldn't imagine or understand. The year between the war and the Mariemaia rebellion was a limbo between war and peace. There were still battles to be fought while people got used to the idea of peace. In the end it was having that peace threatened that brought a more stable one, and with it the ending of our lives as soldiers.

Wufei and I hung on to fighting. He went to Preventers and I went to the shadows, always keeping my eyes alert to what was happening, and making sure that the woman who stood for peace was safe. Hilde gave Duo a home and a purpose at the scrap yard on L2. Trowa had just found a family, so he went to the circus and Cathy to find himself. And Quatre had his duty. He always had a place so he returned to it and assumed it, as it was expected.

I was the first to break.

I didn't have a nervous breakdown or tried to kill myself. No, for us pilots, or ex-pilots, breaking is shattering the walls around us, and walking out of that safe place we have been. It means that we've found a new thing to fight for, to live for, and that we are ready to go get it.

It was the day of Relena's eighteenth birthday. She had a big party thrown for her in Sank, with many important figures of the Earth and Colonies as guests. As always, I kept to the shadows, and as always, she knew I was watching. She had grown stronger than she had been and I knew that she didn't need me as her shadow anymore. I walked into the light, gave her a kiss on the cheek and told her that I would call her. She smiled at me and went back to her guests.

After that, I traveled for three months. I disappeared, and once again kept to the shadows, while trying to find my own path. When I did, it led me to L2, and before I knew it, I was knocking on Hilde's door. Duo wasn't there. He had left three weeks ago to go look for me. While I waited for Duo to return, I got to know Hilde and understood why Duo loved her.

It's weird how love can turn into a complicated emotion when it's explained, but it's so simple when it just is. Duo likes to say that there are layers of love, but I think that they are shades. Love just is, and it doesn't require an explanation. I had know that on an instinctive level, that's why I understood when Hilde told me that Duo loved her, but wasn't in love with her. I called Relena then. I didn't need to tell her. She has always been very perceptive and she had known love for a lot longer than I.

When Duo returned, just a week after I arrived on L2, he was furious. We had all kept in contact after the war, calling at least one of us once a month. It was our way to make sure that the others were safe. When I disappeared I had scared them all, their minds thinking the worse had happened.

Duo had made a conference call, letting the others know that I was alright, and then he made us promise something. He'd said that he understood that we might have the need to disappear sometime, to go away and cut all ties; that was fine. However, we should at least be able to know if the person who disappeared was alright, and if the disappearance was of their own choosing.

We created a rule. Whenever someone needed to go, he should call one of the others and let him know. No questions would be asked and no one would try to stop him. He would also have to make a call every two months letting the others know he was alright. If the calls weren't made, then the rest of us would move heaven and earth looking for our missing friend.

Trowa had called Quatre a month later, saying simply, "I'm going." Quatre understood. Exactly two months later he went to Quatre. He spent a few weeks there before he went back to the circus. Whatever Trowa did during those two months, or when he spent time with Quatre, I never knew.

I stayed on L2, and Duo and I began exploring the different shades of love. We stayed with Hilde until one day, in her subtle way, she told us that the house next door was for sale and she would rather have us there instead of scaring her prospect boyfriends. We got the house but we still eat meals together and we still scare off her dates. She says we are overprotective but Duo is right, it's not our fault no one is good enough for her.

Then Wufei came to visit. He was dressed in a Preventers uniform, carrying a duffle over one shoulder. He stayed for two days, and on the third he said, "I quit Preventers. You'll hear from me." And he left.

Two months later I got a call. He said he needed more time and hung up. Five weeks later, he showed up at Trowa's circus. Apparently Trowa had been waiting for him. Wufei stayed at the circus for three months and then left for Earth, intending to go to school and get a degree in philosophy and history. Trowa followed, and pursued a career in zoology. They share a flat in Paris and Trowa performs when the circus is in town. They are happy, and in love.

Seven months after that, Duo got Quatre's call. He didn't expect it. Quatre always made an effort to keep contact with all of us. He called everyone at least once every two weeks, and had visited all of us in various occasions. He was the last one we would imagine wanted to disappear, but he did. Duo never told me what was said in that call, but he was gloomy for several days after.

It had been ten weeks since Quatre's call. I had been trying to track him for over a week, and Wufei was using all his Preventer connections to find anything about Quatre's whereabouts. What I had managed to find wasn't encouraging. Quatre had left control of WEI to his sisters. One of the older ones was now in charge of it, and it didn't seem to be temporarily. The Maguanacs had been contacted by Quatre around the same Duo had been. Quatre had told them not to worry, and that he would be in contact. So far, he hadn't.

Duo said it was luck that we found him at the diner. I'm not so sure. Quatre might have wanted to disappear but maybe on a subconscious level he hadn't, and had drifted towards us, without even realizing it.

Quatre had seen us long before we saw him. He saw us enter the diner, take a seat and order our meal. He ducked his head and hoped to go unnoticed, knowing that if he tried to leave, we would see him right away. When Duo stood up to go to the bathroom and noticed him, Quatre didn't try to hide. It was pointless. I couldn't hear over the noise of the restaurant but I read his lips when he told Duo, "This wasn't supposed to happen."

I stood up then, forgetting about my half eaten eggs and walked towards them. I could see Duo was worried and angry, and wanted to say something to Quatre but for some reason the words wouldn't leave his mouth.

I took a closer look at Quatre and for a moment I was speechless also. The image I had of Quatre Winner differed greatly from the man sitting before me. He was wearing ripped jeans, a dirty gray sweater and an old looking dark blue coat. He had a beard; his hair was longer and greasy, proof that he hadn't showered in a while. There was dirt under his fingernails and the large sunglasses he wore didn't hide the bags under his eyes. However, I could see Quatre's features under the facial hair, the sheepish smile, and the movement of his hands that was just him.

I put a hand on Quatre's shoulder and squeezed it softly. "Come on, you are coming home with us."

He scanned the room, looking for a moment like a cornered animal, and then just gave me a nod, followed by a sad smile.

* * *

The walk home was silent. Quatre walked beside us, but his eyes were downcast and he refused to look at us. I had questions and I knew Duo was biting his tongue to stop himself from asking his own. We entered the house and settled in the kitchen. I got us all some water before I took a seat at the table, and waited.

Quatre dumped his duffle bag on the floor. It looked heavy and I wouldn't be surprised if it carried everything he'd owned for the last few weeks.

"You can take your sunglasses off," said Duo. "It isn't bright in here."

Quatre did as he was told, his lips curling a little. "I guess I've grown used to them. I forgot I had them on." He placed the glasses on the table, and then for the first time I could see his eyes.

They were sorrowful, just like they had been when we had come to earth together after the Zero system incident, when he'd thought he killed Trowa. "What happened?" I knew my words sounded colder that I intended them to be, they always did, but I also knew that both, Quatre and Duo, could see through them.

Quatre's smile grew wider, but I recognized that expression. I had seen it every time he'd woken from a nightmare and assured me that he would be able to go back to sleep, every time someone mentioned Trowa or his father, and he'd put up that brave smile. "I thought part of our pact was that there would be no questions."

"Yeah, and another part clearly stated to contact someone every fucking two months! You broke our agreement, Quatre, and with that you lost every right of secrecy. We are involved now, whether you want it or not." Duo was furious. When he was angry he screamed, but when he was furious he whispered.

"I'm sorry," said Quatre, not looking intimidated, "but I can't stay."

"You can't leave either," I said, before Duo could reply. "You don't look well. You will get sick if you don't recover your strength, and I won't let you leave until I'm sure you've done that." I kept my eyes fixed on him, letting him know that I wouldn't give in. My words were final.

He understood, exhaled softly and lowered his eyes for a moment before bringing them back up. "I don't want to be a burden."

I saw Duo roll his eyes before his expression softened a bit. "Cat, you're never a burden." He waited for a reply but it didn't come, so he added, "I could use your help. There are many transports coming in the next week and I need a capable pilot, someone who can handle a modified Leo with precision, to transport the load from the large ships into my smaller shuttles." Duo grinned. "I can't just give the job to anyone. The last idiot I hired managed to wreck a hatch."

"What about you, Heero and Hilde?" Quatre asked. "It looks to me that you have enough capable pilots."

"Yeah, but we are all busy," Duo said, waiving his hand. "Heero has his own job, Hilde is the manager, and if she leaves, things go crazy. I can't handle all the transports on my own. I was going to interview pilots this afternoon but I'd rather you help me with it." He paused and gave Quatre a look. "That's if you are up to it."

Quatre's eyes brightened for a moment, a single second that I would have missed if I had blinked, and then became sorrowful again. "I'll help you. Thank you for letting me stay here."

"Don't worry about it," said Duo, making a dismissive gesture with his hand. "Now you need to go take a bath, man, 'cause you stink. And shave that horrible beard while you're it. As long as you're here you don't need to hide."

Quatre's fingers touched his beard slowly. "I guess I don't."

Duo showed him to the shower while I found some clean clothes for him to wear. I waited for Duo in the kitchen, noticing that Quatre had left his duffle behind.

"I've never seen him like this," said Duo, slumping in his chair.

"Something is troubling him, something he feels responsible for," I said. "He was like this after Zero."

Duo muttered a curse. "Whatever it is, we need to help him."

I nodded once. Duo stood from his chair and gave me a kiss. He needed to go. "I'll take care of him," I said.

Duo smiled and left.

* * *

When Quatre walked into the living room, he was the man I remembered again. His hair was still wet but the dirt was gone and it shone brightly. His beard was gone, and I could see his face. He was too pale. My clothes looked big on him, which wasn't right because we were about the same size.

I put the magazine I was reading on the table, and stood up. "Come on, I'll make you a sandwich."

He thanked me and followed me into the kitchen. "It's just like the war," he said after he had the first bite of cheese sandwich. "Sometimes you miss a few meals."

"The war is over, Quatre," I stated simply.

He smiled a little and replied, "Yes, it is."

Back in the war days, after I ran the Mercurius into Wing Zero, I remember waking up in a dark cell. My wrists were cuffed by gundanium shackles. I'd mentally checked my body for injuries. Nothing but a few bruises, except for a bump to the head, which had probably been what had rendered me unconscious. The subtle hums of the engine told me that I was in a transport. When my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I'd looked around and noticed that I was alone. I didn't have time to wonder about the other pilot for too long because soon the door opened and a figure was pushed inside.

In the dim light of the cell I saw Quatre's expression, and it was the same he was giving me right now. He'd looked resigned. I could see some bruises on his skin. The OZ officers that had found us hadn't been kind to him, but the worse thing was that Quatre hadn't stopped them. He'd told me how he hadn't even tried to fight back, and just let them use him as a punching bag, beating their frustrations away. I remember his voice, sounding so hollow and full of sadness, _"I deserved it, and much more."_

And now he was staring at me with the same lost eyes, and I understood. Quatre hadn't left to find answers but in search of absolution. He was making penance.

"How's work?"

I glared at him. Quatre was good at handling conversations, and changing topics swiftly when he didn't want to discuss them. He was good at reading people too, at reading me and knowing that I was getting too close. I decided to play along. "It's going fine. As long as I can do it from here, and be close to Duo, I'm happy."

Quatre was responsible for my current occupation. He was the one who had insisted, a few months back, upon updating WEI computer systems, and he wouldn't accept anyone doing it but me. The work suited me just fine. I only had to make a few short trips to L4 but mostly I could do things by satellite from anywhere, which allowed me to stay on L2. After that first job, Quatre made it his mission to suggest every other company update their systems too, and Quatre can be very persuasive.

"I'm glad," he said, leaving half of the sandwich on the plate and pushing it slightly away.

"You are not hungry?" I asked.

He gave me a sheepish smile. "My stomach is smaller. It'll take time before I can eat this much again."

I didn't want to argue with him so I took the plate away and served him another glass of juice. He took it wordlessly and began to sip slowly.

The duffle was still on the floor by Quatre's chair. It looked old and dirty. "Do you have any more clothes in there?" I tilted my head towards the duffle. "I could clean them for you if you want."

Quatre shook his head. "You've done enough for me. I can clean them myself."

He looked tired. The bags under his eyes were proof enough that he hadn't been sleeping well, and probably not in a bed for a while. "I'll clean them," I stated in a firm tone. "You need to go take a nap, Quatre."

He started to protest but I stopped him. "You can do the laundry another time. Not now."

With a sigh, he thanked me and then followed me to the room. He looked around and I could see his eyes widen a bit when he realized that this was mine and Duo's room. "I can't stay here," he said.

"No one is using this room right now." We only had one bedroom; the other room in the house was used to store different things. When Wufei had stayed he had slept in the living room couch, but I thought that Quatre needed a real bed. "We can figure something else for tonight, but for now, just sleep here."

It was weird seeing Quatre too tired to argue. He was very stubborn and used to getting his way. Normally he wouldn't give in without a fight. Now, however, he just gave me a tired nod, took his shoes off and climbed on the bed. "I'll wake you for dinner," I said before leaving, closing the door behind me.

* * *

After clearing the juice glass from the kitchen table, I took Quatre's duffle and emptied it. As expected, there were another two changes of clothes, which took most of the space. In addition I found a handgun, a knife, a toothbrush, a worn out pair of working gloves, a deodorant and three pictures.

The first one was of the Maguanacs, standing tall in front of their mobile suits, somewhere in the desert. In the second one there was a lot of people, so many that they could hardly be distinguished. However, I was able to see a younger Quatre standing beside a solemn looking man; it was probably his family.

The last picture surprised me. I found myself staring at it, trying to figure out who could have taken it without me noticing. The five of us were there, in what was unmistakably the hangar of the Peacemillion. We weren't looking at the camera. Duo was leaning on the rail, talking to me. I was looking away but I wasn't ignoring him. I never did. Heavyarms' cockpit could be seen behind us, and Trowa was crouching on the hatch, looking down at something. Wufei had been apparently passing by. His silhouette was blurred, looking like a ghost, on Duo's right. Quatre was slightly in front of Duo and me, to our left. He was looking at us, and he was smiling.

I didn't know where Quatre had gotten the picture. Noin or Sally had probably taken it. I couldn't picture Howard hiding behind spare parts, with a camera on his hand, just waiting for the moment the five of us would be close enough to take the picture. I would have to ask Quatre to let me make a copy.

Leaving Quatre's items on the table, I took the clothes to the washing machine, pushed them inside and started the cycle. I decided to spend the rest of the afternoon catching up on the work I had to do. I headed for the spare room, where my laptop was, and started to work on the software development.

After a couple of hours I heard the main door click open. Duo was home.

I met him on the stairs. He kissed me and asked about Quatre. I told him Quatre was sleeping so we decided to go to the living room and wait until Hilde called us to dinner. It was her turn to cook this week so Duo and I could relax.

We sat on the sofa. He leaned on my chest and I put my arms around him. On the vidscreen, some lady was narrating the news but I wasn't really listening.

"Did he tell you anything," asked Duo.

"Not much." I paused. "I'm not sure he's ready to talk yet."

There was silence for a moment and then Duo shifted a bit, so he could look at me. "He's my best friend, has been practically since the first time we talked." He lowered his eyes. "But I don't think he'll talk to me. Not now, at least." He put his hand on top of mine and the tips of his fingers moved in lazy circles over my skin. "You have a connection with him. I'm not sure if it was the Zero thing, the fact that you two were together after that, or something else, but you two are close. I know Cat needs to talk, and I think he would talk to you."

Duo's eyes were fixed on me, waiting for an answer.

"He'll talk when he's ready," I said. I wanted to help Quatre too, and I could listen to him but I wouldn't push him into sharing something he wasn't ready for.

We, the five of us, had our own pace, and no matter how close we are, we wouldn't go faster or slower for anyone. The best we could hope for was a harmony, a rhythm with many paces that complemented each other. Quatre's pace would meet mine when he wanted to, and not a minute sooner.

Shifting his eyes away, Duo sighed. "Just be sure to be around when that happens." He turned back to the vid.

When the news ended, Duo stood up. He looked down at me and said, "We need to tell the others. They're worried."

Trowa and Wufei were about to organize their own search party. We had all been waiting for Quatre to make contact and when he hadn't, Trowa had been ready to go look for him right away, school be damned. In the end, we had decided on a course of action that didn't require Wufei and Trowa to miss their finals, but I knew Trowa wouldn't calm down until he knew that Quatre was alive and well.

Maybe we should have consulted with Quatre but as Duo had said, when he decided not to call he broke the rules, and now we were involved. Duo and I went upstairs to use my laptop. It took a few minutes to make the connection but soon enough a sleepy Wufei appeared on the screen. His hair was down and he was bare-chested. His eyes were half closed but they narrowed when he recognized us. "Heero," he greeted with a slight nod of his head.

Moments later Trowa appeared beside him. He was bare-chested too and his hair was messy. I checked the time and noticed that we had called in the middle of their night. "Quatre is here," I announced.

"What?" Trowa never raised his voice but his tone was now a little louder than usual.

"We spotted him in a diner earlier today," said Duo. "I can tell it wasn't part of his plan, but we still hauled his ass back here and told him he isn't going anywhere until he's stronger and we get some answers."

"Stronger?" Wufei asked. "What's wrong with him?"

"Nothing physical besides tiredness and weight loss," I assured him.

"But he's not well," said Trowa. It wasn't a question.

Duo shook his head. "There's something troubling him but he's keeping it to himself. It's only been one day, he might need more time."

Trowa's eyes looked hard. "We are coming over."

Wufei turned to look at him, for a moment I thought he was going to argue with Trowa but at the end he only nodded and said, "After finals."

Trowa nodded at Wufei and then turned to us again. "We'll be there in a week," he said, and cut the connection.

I stared at the black screen for a moment, wondering exactly what had happened. I knew Trowa and Wufei would want to know that Quatre was fine but I didn't think they would want to come over and see him.

Duo put his arm around my shoulders, effectively capturing my attention. He gave me a small kiss on the lips and smiled. "The five of us together again. It'll be just like in Peacemillion. No war this time."

I nodded and kissed him back.


	2. Hollow 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the war Heero has found his way, but some of the pilots are still trying to find theirs.

Duo had told Hilde about Quatre earlier today. Being the mother hen she refuses to admit she is, she had cooked some chicken and vegetables, figuring it was something Quatre's stomach could take. Quatre thanked her, and gave her one of his empty smiles, but he ate. His appetite was returning because he managed to eat more than he had earlier.

"So, Quatre is going to be helping us with the loading in the next couple of days," Duo said to Hilde.

She smiled and nodded and I knew Duo had already discussed it with her. "That'll be great, Quatre. You can't imagine the problem's we've had in the past with inexperienced pilots. The interviews alone are hell. I can't thank you enough for helping us with this."

"I'll do what I can," he said simply.

Hilde and Duo kept the conversation going. I made the occasional comment, but Quatre stayed silent unless spoken to directly. We did our best to keep a semblance of normality but the tension hung thick in the air.

We all thanked Hilde for the meal, and then headed back to our house. Hilde had suggested to Duo and me that maybe Quatre could stay with her, since she did have a spare bedroom. However, we thought that Quatre needed the company much more than a bed. While Hilde and Quatre knew each other, they weren't really close. They hadn't had the chance to interact yet. At the door, Hilde reminded me that she was there if we needed her. I already knew that.

Quatre didn't seem too tired so we all ended up in the couch, watching a movie. Duo sat next to me. I put my hand around his shoulders and he leaned into me. It was comfortable. I had gotten used to the feeling of having Duo in my arms, and I liked it. Quatre sat beside Duo, nearly at the other end of the couch as if he was trying to keep away from us.

From the first moment I met Quatre face to face, I knew he was a tactile person. He had tried to hide it. For whatever reasons, he was fighting his instincts. At first, I had thought that he was keeping his distance because he was afraid I would follow through my threat to kill him. After getting to know him a little better, I discarded that notion and decided that maybe he didn't feel worthy to be next to me. Back then, Quatre didn't feel worthy of anything.

The cell in the transport ship hadn't been large. When they brought him in, he had instantly walked to the opposite wall from me. However, the walls were so close that if we both stretched our arms, our fingers would touch. When he had finally fallen asleep he reached out to me, moving slowly closer. I could see he needed the company, so I let him have it. He wouldn't remember in the morning.

Now, Quatre sat away from Duo.

The soft sounds of a guitar signaled the end of the movie. I didn't think anyone had really watched it.

"So, Q, you have two choices," said Duo. "Since we don't have a guest room, you can take the couch, but that might be kind of uncomfortable, or..." he let the sentence hang in the air, and looked at me.

"Or you can sleep with us," I finished. We hadn't discussed it before, but there are some things Duo and I can agree on with just a simple look.

Quatre shook his head once. "The couch is fine."

Duo looked like he was about to say something but instead he just nodded and stood up. "I'll get the sheets."

Duo came back carrying the sheets, a couple of blankets and a pillow. We set the couch up as best as we could.

"Are you sure you'll be ok?" asked Duo before we headed upstairs.

Quatre just nodded.

Duo added, "If you change your mind..."

"I know, Duo," Quatre said. "Thank you. Goodnight."

* * *

I opened my eyes, startled, and took a deep breath. The room was still dark, and I could hear Duo sleeping beside me. A glance at the table clock told me it was almost four in the morning.

Something had happened, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I was having a nightmare. We all suffer from them. Duo had learned how to make himself wake up as soon as he realizes a nightmare is coming. However, he can't fall asleep after. At first, he used to stay in bed, trying to fall back asleep. He eventually gave up, and now he gets up and finds something useful to do. I can't avoid my nightmares. I sleep through them and Duo says I don't even move. I always remember them.

Tonight, however, something had woken me up, pulling me away from the nightmare, taking the guilt of killing away. There was a familiar feeling, something I know I've experienced before but I couldn't place. I put a hand on my chest, not knowing exactly why, and then I knew. Getting up slowly, trying not to wake Duo, I left the room and went downstairs.

I could see from the stairs that Quatre wasn't on the couch. The blankets were crumpled, and the pillow had fallen on the ground. I found myself heading for the backdoor, knowing that Quatre had gone that way.

He was standing in the yard, wearing only my boxers and t-shirt. His back was turned to me, and he was looking up at the dark artificial sky. My eyes, however, were fixed on the soft glow that surrounded him, and faded quickly, making me wonder if I had just imagined it.

"I'm sorry, Heero." He turned around, and this time I knew I wasn't imagining the faint glow disappearing over his heart. He placed a hand on his chest. "I don't know if I can give it back. I don't know how it happened in the first place." He lowered his eyes and whispered. "I can't control it."

The night was cold and I could see he was shivering. Taking a couple of steps towards him, I extended my hand. "Come inside. You can explain then."

He hesitated, looking at my hand thoughtfully for almost a minute. His fingers grasped mine. His skin was cold. Who knew how long he had been standing outside? I let my fingers curl softly over his and led him inside. We walked to the living room and sat on the couch. I pulled the blanket over us both, and released his hand, but I still kept mine close.

The room was dark. I hadn't bothered to turn on the lights and I had a feeling Quatre preferred it this way. I had spent many months with Quatre during the war. We had gotten to know each other, maybe even better than we had wanted to. We had conversations but I could count the times we talked, truly talked, on one hand. When one of us was willing to talk to the other, our shields dropped, and we let the other see. We'd always kept the lights off, as if we were trying to hide, just because we were already baring it all.

A thick silence filled the room for a while. It pressed on us, waiting to be broken. Quatre was the one who did it.

"I can't stay," he said.

I didn't respond. I just waited, letting the silence build again, hoping that Quatre would break it once again.

He did. His voice wasn't more than a whisper but it made the silence leave. "I'm a danger to you and Duo. I can't stay."

I waited again.

He sighed. "Just say something, Heero. I don't want to leave like this."

My eyes were getting adjusted to the darkness and I could see his features better. His eyes were trained on me, expecting, maybe waiting for judgment. "Stop talking in riddles, Quatre, and tell me the truth. Maybe then I'll have something to say."

He shifted, turning to face straight ahead instead of facing me. He pulled his legs to his chest and put his chin on top of them. "Truth is a subjective concept."

"Then just be honest," I said.

The silence crept into the room again. Quatre kept looking straight ahead. He was thinking and he was taking his time. He wouldn't speak until he was ready, of that I was certain. I turned to the window. The street lights outside were the only thing keeping the room from total darkness.

My thoughts wandered to what I had seen outside. Quatre had told me about his space heart. When he did, he had already shared that information with Trowa and Duo, and he told Wufei later on Peacemillion. The common term for Quatre's psychic ability was empathy. J. had taught me about it.

Living in space wasn't like living on Earth, and over the years humans had adapted to it. Some children, whose families had been living for generations in space, started to show certain psychic abilities. However, at the same time, the risk of giving birth in space was becoming higher, both for the child and the mother, and people started to have test tube babies to avoid risks.

With the new era of test tube babies, the children with special abilities started to become fewer, until there were almost none. The stories became legends, no more than fairy tales, so those few that still had the ability were discreet about it.

Quatre had shared it with us. I don't know if Trowa believed him, but he probably did. Quatre and he share something that only they can explain or understand. Duo admitted to me once that he'd first thought Quatre was crazy. It was only when Duo got to know him, and realized that Quatre wouldn't lie about something like that, that he believed him. Wufei didn't, and as far as I knew he still didn't. He never challenged Quatre about it; he just held it as one of those things they disagree on.

"I already knew," I said out loud.

Shifting his eyes from the wall to me, Quatre blinked a few times before giving me a confused look.

I hadn't intended to speak those words, but I did, so I decided to elaborate. "When you told me about your empathy, I already knew."

He opened his mouth but no sound came out.

"The first time I used Zero, you stopped me. You did something." I paused. "I felt it."

Quatre shook his head slowly. "You were unconscious."

"No. You did something, and I broke free of Zero, then I passed out." I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to remember, to make some sense of the scattered images Zero had left. "You pulled me; you did something and helped me pull free."

A small smile appeared on Quatre's face. A real one. "I didn't know you could tell. I thought you would be too confused to notice." He moved his head back, resting it on the back of the couch. "It was the only thing I could think of."

"What did you do?" My voice sounded cold, but I was more curious than anything. I trusted Quatre to know that.

"I let you feel me, just like I can feel others." He let his head drop to the side, so all I could see was the back of his head. "I hoped that if your emotions were being dampened by Zero, mine could break through, and then you could trust the emotions, instead of the cold voice of the system."

I nodded, even though I was still trying to understand. While J had taught me about those with psychic abilities, and what those abilities could do, it didn't mean that I understood them. "What did you do tonight?"

His head turned slowly, so he was now facing me. There was a pained expression now. He took a deep breath and said, "I don't know. I just don't know."

The first rays of sun filtered through the window. It was five twenty five. Sunrise was always at five twenty five. "Promise me, Quatre, that until we figure it out, you won't go."

"I might be dangerous," he said, still looking at me.

I frowned. "I'll take my chances."

He didn't look intimidated. "What about Duo?"

"I'll take my chances too," Duo stepped out of the shadows and took a couple of steps towards us. I hadn't noticed him but I should have known he would sense my absence and come looking for me. "Just promise it, Q, and come to bed. There's work to do in a few hours."

I smiled at Duo, but he didn't see me. He was looking at Quatre, waiting for an answer.

"I'll stay," Quatre said, finally, "for now."

Nodding, I stood up, took Quatre's pillow and started to walk to the stairs. When I noticed that he wasn't following, I turned and glared at him.

Duo walked past me and took Quatre's hand. "Come on, Cat. We are not leaving you alone."

Again he seemed too tired to argue, and let Duo guide him up. We crawled into bed. I put my arms around Duo, pressing his back to my chest. Over his shoulder, I could see Quatre, sleeping almost on the edge of the bed, his back turned to us, still keeping his distance.

* * *

I'm not sure what made me decide to work from the scrap yard office instead of from home, like I usually did. Hilde, Duo and Quatre had already left in the shuttle. From my place in the small fake leather couch, I could see Jeffrey sitting behind the monitors, checking the shuttle's progress. No audio communications had come for a while, which mean that they were probably getting the Leos ready and setting up to receive the cargo.

Taking a look at the work I had already accomplished, I decided I could rest for a while. Jeffrey gave me a hesitant look when I pulled up a chair beside him to be able to see the monitor. The people working for Duo were friendly enough but they had always been weary around me. I glanced at the monitor. It was showing the shuttle's hatch. Two men wearing space suits were working in securing some machinery before the hatch was opened.

"Hil, I'm in position and ready to go." Duo's voice sounded clear through the computer speakers. On space operations, the communications were run in only one channel. Colony–space connections were expensive, and another channel wasn't a necessity.

"I'm ready too," said Quatre.

"John and Michael, get ready to open the hatch. Sam and Terry, get the equipment ready. Duo and Quatre, get ready to launch."

No one replied, but soon enough the hatch was opening and two Leos were flying out. Jeffrey and I could follow the progress through the radar. It indicated the movement of the two Leos, A and B, traveling from the shuttle to the sweepers transport ship.

Duo only piloted Leo A. He had tweaked them both himself for this type of cargo transport operation, but since the incident with the pilot that had nearly taken out the shuttle hatch, Duo had forbade anyone from flying his Leo.

Jeffrey let out a whistle. "This guy is good. I didn't think there was anyone who could keep up with Duo." The man smiled nervously at me. "Well, except you, of course."

"Of course," I repeated, waiting until Jeffrey was looking at the monitor again before smirking.

I was glad to see that Quatre's skills were still sharp. Between him and Duo, and Hilde handling stuff on the shuttle, they were done with the transfer in two hours, when it usually took them four. They would need another hour to finish securing the cargo in the shuttle and to get back into the colony. I took my laptop and went home.

* * *

Quatre came back first. He looked a little tired but there was something very different in his expression. It didn't seem so empty anymore. He smiled when he saw me, a small smile but a real one, and then he disappeared into the bathroom to take a quick shower.

When he came out he was only wearing a towel around his waist. His hair was wet, and dripping on the floor.

"I was wondering if my clothes are clean," he said.

That's when I realized I had forgotten to take them out of the machine and put them in the dryer. Housework isn't my strong point, and when I get focused on something I tend to ignore petty things as laundry. "They are," I replied. "But I doubt they are dry."

He gave me a curious look, even amused, but didn't ask.

"Just go though my closet." I pointed to the half open bedroom door. "Take anything you need."

Hesitating only for a moment, he walked into the room. When I saw him next he was wearing a pair of old jeans and a black t-shirt. He mumbled something about going to see if Hilde needed any help with dinner and left through the back door.

Duo arrived a few minutes later. Not bothering with taking a shower he just changed into some sweatpants and a t-shirt before joining me in the living room. "Where's Cat?"

"At Hilde's. He said he wanted to help." I shrugged.

Duo frowned. "He hates cooking. I always cooked, and he did the dishes."

I remembered my time with the other pilots. Except with Trowa, who took care of me, we didn't do chores together. We've gotten used to doing things by ourselves. Trowa was the only one with whom I discussed petty things like lunch and dishes. I didn't even share something like that with Duo. Quatre and he, however, had shared that semblance of normality, just like Trowa and I briefly had. I probably know more about Quatre's views of battle or strategic thoughts, but its Duo who knows the important things.

I know Duo better now. I got a glimpse during the war, but back then I was more focused on his soldier capabilities than what kind of eggs he likes. He likes them scrambled, with tomato and not too salty.

Grabbing Duo by the waist, I pulled him towards me. He smiled and kissed me, his fingers running through my hair, and pulling me away just so his lips could kiss mine again.

* * *

Quatre didn't want to talk. When we came back from dinner he'd said he wanted to go for a walk.

"He's running."

I nodded to Duo. "He promised to come back." And Quatre doesn't break promises.

By midnight, Duo and I were ready to go look for him. We grabbed out jackets and stepped out of the house. I was going to take the jeep to be able to cover more ground while Duo searched for Quatre on foot. I turned on the jeep lights and I saw him. Quatre was sitting on the roof of the house, calmly looking down at us. Turning off the lights, I stepped out of the car.

"I told you I would come back," he said.

"What the hell are you doing there?" Duo was standing next to me. "The house isn't good enough for you or what?"

"I needed some air," Quatre replied, simply.

Before anything else could be said, I grabbed Duo's hand and pulled him into our backyard. "Hilde and the rest of the neighbors don't need to hear this." I got a hold of one of the outside pipes and started climbing. Glancing down, I could see Duo following.

Quatre was expecting us. He was looking directly at me when I pulled myself to the roof, but didn't offer me a hand up.

"It's cold," I said, noticing that he only had a t-shirt on and that his hands were tucked inside the jeans pockets.

He shrugged and sat down on the roof's floor. "So, you've found me."

"We did that yesterday, Cat." Duo sat in front of him and I followed, sitting next to Duo. "Now it's time to stop hiding."

Quatre took a deep breath, then shook his head slowly before looking at Duo. "I'm not sure of that."

"We said we would take our chances, Quatre. The least you can do is tell us what we are facing."

Duo shot me a look but Quatre didn't seem upset by my words. He looked at me the way he had during the war, when he was telling us, as firmly as possible, about the battles and the risks.

"My empathy is..." he paused, "evolving, I think would be the best word. My abilities are becoming more powerful but I can't control them. Until I learn how to, I'm a danger to those around me."

There was a moment of silence and Duo whispered, "That's why you left."

Quatre nodded once. The hard expression was still there and I wondered if this was the only way he could deal with what was happening, as if he was back on the war and this was another mission. "I hurt one of my sisters. I couldn't stay and risk hurting the rest." He blinked once, and when his eyes opened they were softer. "That's why I can't stay. I can't risk hurting you."

He was about to get up but Duo reached for him, putting a hand on Quatre's knee. "I said I would take my chances, and you promised, Cat. No more running."

Quatre looked at me and I nodded. Apparently that was all he needed. His shoulders slumped, his chin lowered a bit and his eyes were downcast.

Duo and I shared a look. I nodded and he smiled. I moved against the wall and, taking a hold of Quatre's shoulders, I pulled him back towards me. The moment he realized what I was doing, his head shot up and he turned to Duo.

Duo just smiled. Moving his hand from Quatre's knee to his chest, he pushed Quatre slowly towards me. "Just let go, Cat."

Quatre leaned on me. His head was resting on my shoulder, and I could only see half of his face. I put my arms around his waist, and soon noticed Duo leaning his head on Quatre's lap and looking up at the colony sky. I let my fingers get tangled in Duo's hair. We were silent for a while, and eventually I could feel Quatre relax. He put one hand on top of mine, and the other on Duo's chest.

"I miss the stars," said Duo. "Have you been chasing stars, Cat?"

Quatre laughed softly, but the sound ended as soon as it had begun. "Trying to figure out where I've been?"

"Tracking you was proving to be very difficult," I said.

"L1 X432, L2 X543, and then here. I was planning to leave as soon as I had enough money for it." He paused, and his fingers moved over my hand. "I didn't want to run into you."

Duo grinned. "Thank heavens things don't always go your way."

"Are you sorry we found you?" I asked Quatre.

There was a pause and then he said, "I don't know."

"So, what you've been doing?" asked Duo, changing the subject slightly.

Quatre shifted a bit. "I stayed on L1 most of the time. Got a job driving supplies from the shuttle port to a warehouse. I would have stayed longer but the truck owner's nephew needed a job so he fired me." Quatre shrugged. "I had enough for a ticket to L2 by then. Got a job in X543 cleaning the space scrap off the shuttleport."

"You what!?" Duo was already inspecting one of Quatre's hands. I hadn't noticed before but there were some scars that seemed new. We all have scarred hands. By the end of the war it wasn't rare to see our skin raw for holding the controls for so long. "You didn't even get any gloves?"

"I didn't manage to find some until the second day," said Quatre, shrugging again.

I remembered the gloves I had found in his pack. They were old and they didn't seem to provide much protection against the rocks and metal scraps that filled the port every time a shuttle took off. In the wealthy colonies they had machines that cleared the port so the next shuttle could take off. In the poorest ones, they didn't have machines to waste on the task so they used people who had to manually clean the port floor. It was hard work and the pay wasn't high but the jobs were given to anyone who wanted them, no questions asked.

"How long?" I asked.

"Just three weeks," he said. "My sister Nayala was to arrive on the colony for a meeting, so I thought it was better to leave before she and her entourage arrived." He waved Duo's hand away from his and placed it on the floor. "I took the first shuttle off, and it wasn't until half way that I realized it was taking me here."

"Remind me to thank Nayala." Duo was still glaring at Quatre's hand. "What happened to your sister? The one you said you hurt?" Quatre didn't answer so Duo pressed on. "You put yourself through some very shitty stuff to get away from her... and from us."

Duo was still hurt. Quatre was his best friend and the fact that he hadn't confided in him had hit Duo hard. "When you called, you said you needed to find something but I didn't believe you." Duo smiled softly and I could see him look up at Quatre's face. "You can't fool me, Quatre, you know that, but you still wouldn't tell me. And you're back now, whether you like it or not, and you're still avoiding me."

I let my fingers brush Duo's forehead, pretending to push his bangs away from his eyes, but really just wanting to let him know that I was here.

Quatre had been avoiding Duo's gaze, keeping his eyes fixed on the sky. He opened his mouth and closed it again before he could find the words. "I didn't want to hurt you too."

Suddenly Duo sat up straight and faced Quatre. "Stop with this self sacrifice bullshit, Quatre, and let us help you!" He moved his head into Quatre's line of vision and repeated very slowly. "What happened to your sister?"

Quatre sat up straight as well, moving to lean on the wall instead than on me. He kept his eyes on Duo and the cold mask returned to his face. "I put her in a coma. The night of her engagement, I somehow drained the happiness from her. But I didn't stop there. When there was no happiness left, I moved on to other emotions. It was lucky that I fell down the stairs and passed out or I would have drained her completely."

Duo and I tried to reach out to him but Quatre stood up and walked away a few steps, keeping his back turned to us. "A person's soul is their emotions," he continued. "I can feel them and not two people feel the same. There's always a predominate emotion depending on the circumstances but a person is many emotions, all in different forms and weights, and that combined makes them who they are. I took that away from my sister." He turned to us and looked at Duo. "You understand now? You see what I can take from you?"

Looking at Quatre, standing away from us when he clearly wanted nothing but to stay close, I understood exactly what was weighting down on him, what had taken his happiness away: loneliness.

I walked to him but Duo moved faster. He already had Quatre enveloped in an embrace. Quatre tried to pull away but I didn't let him. I put a hand on his shoulder and said, "Remember, you promised to stay."

He pressed his head on Duo's shoulders and I could hear a mumbled, "Yes".


	3. Hollow 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the war Heero has found his way, but some of the pilots are still trying to find theirs.

Quatre and Duo were away. Another transport had come this morning and they were busy. I decided to stay at home and do some work. It wasn't that I was behind, I was actually ahead, but I liked the distraction. An empty house can give you too much to think about when there's nothing to do. However, I couldn't concentrate. My thoughts kept going back to what Quatre had told us the night before.

The glow I had seen the first night Quatre was here suddenly made sense. He was the reason I had woken up from my nightmare, why I hadn't felt guilty like I usually did afterwards. Whatever he had done to me wasn't exactly the same as he had done to his sister because I could still feel a knife in my heart every time I remembered that little girl and her dog.

Work was going slow. I closed the program and decided to focus on what was really bothering me: Quatre and his sister. After finding out in one of the L4 papers to which hospital Saidah Winner had been taken after her unfortunate collapse, it wasn't difficult to hack the hospital files.

She had been unconscious when she was admitted, but none of the doctors could give a reason for her condition. They kept her under observation for three days, in which they could find nothing, and on the fourth she woke up. Her brain waves were back to normal and she was in perfect condition. The doctors had concluded that it was exhaustion that drove her over the limit. They sent her home, recommending plenty of rest and a healthy diet.

Saidah had recovered completely, which meant that the effects of Quatre's power weren't permanent. But he had still run. Empathy wasn't something I really understood. There wasn't enough information on the subject and it could never be considered an exact science. The only way we could help Quatre control his powers was by experimentation. Trial and error.

* * *

Duo rang to tell me that he and Quatre were going out for a beer, and wouldn't be home for dinner. I understood the message: they needed to talk. Hilde already knew that they wouldn't be having dinner with us, so she just made a light salad and some sandwiches for us to share.

I sat in her kitchen, eating while she told me about her day. She couldn't be happier to have Quatre here since with his help the work was finished a lot sooner than what they were used to. And then she said, "Maybe now Jeffrey and I can take the time to go out on that date."

I put my fork down and glared at her. She just grinned. "He asked me out a while ago but work has been crazy for us both so we just kept postponing it."

"Why wasn't I informed of this before?" I should have noticed something was wrong. Jeffrey had seemed overly nervous around me lately.

"Oh no, Heero Yuy, you are not going to scare this one off!" She was pointing at me with her fork. "He's nice, you said so yourself a few weeks ago."

"That was before," I grumbled. "Now it's different."

She didn't look happy. "I swear that if you scare this one off I won't ever cook for you or that over protective boyfriend of yours ever again."

I remained quiet and turned my glare to my plate. We ate silently for a while before Hilde asked tentatively. "Is Quatre okay?"

"No, but we will help him." Hilde was one of the few people outside the other pilots that I trusted. She had earned my respect when she got us the data on Libra, and she had earned my trust in the time Duo and I lived with her. She didn't know Quatre any more that he knew her but she cared, I could see it in her eyes, so she deserved to know.

"Yesterday, when he came to help with the food, something weird happened."

I stopped eating and gave her my full attention.

"We were setting up the table," she continued. "For a moment everything was alright and then he lost his balance. I went to help him but he mumbled an excuse and ran for the bathroom. When he came back he seemed fine, and I didn't ask."

Maybe his empathy was acting up again. He was feeling something and he ran so Hilde wouldn't see him. I wondered if he glowed like he did that night. "What time was it?"

She looked up. "Around six thirty, I think."

At that time, Duo and I were having sex.

* * *

They didn't get home until late that night. I was already in bed, the lights turned off as I tried to fall asleep. I was still awake when Duo opened the door slowly and slipped quietly inside. Quatre was leaning on him. His eyes were closed and he was trusting Duo to guide him.

"Need help?" I asked in a whisper.

Duo nodded and gave me a smile. I could smell the alcohol before I reached them. They had drunk more than beers. Duo likes vodka. He says you can drink it in cocktails when it's time to celebrate or straight when it's time to cry. I had no doubt which way they had drank it tonight.

We stripped Quatre from his working overalls, and took off his boots and socks. He never opened his eyes but he was conscious, I could tell by the way he breathed. While Duo stripped himself, I pulled Quatre to the bed. Last night he hadn't argued about his sleeping arrangements, and Duo and I had taken him to bed with us. He had slept on the corner again, and in the morning, with the sound of the alarm clock, he had almost fallen out of bed.

Tonight, I wanted him to feel safe. I led him to the middle of the bed, and before I settled his head on the pillow I looked up at Duo and asked without words if it was okay. He grinned, and I could see in his eyes that even if he'd had his share of vodka tonight he wasn't drunk. He settled on Quatre's other side, and pulled the covers over us all.

He leaned towards me, careful not to disturb Quatre. He kissed me deeply, and I could taste the vodka in his mouth. "I love you, Heero," he said. "I love you." He kissed me again, went back to his side of the bed, and closed his eyes.

I stared at Duo and then at Quatre sleeping beside him, and I wondered if tonight they had made a toast to love.

* * *

I woke up to a small gasp.

Thanks to my training I awoke instantly to the smallest of noises. I can go back to sleep if the sound doesn't deserve my attention, but this time it did. Quatre was looking at me. His lips slightly parted and his eyes still blinking, trying to get adjusted to the light. He turned to Duo and then back at me. "I shouldn't be here."

I grabbed his hand before he could move, but it was Duo's voice what filled the air. "Go back to sleep, Q."

He looked at me. I nodded and closed my eyes, but didn't move my hand away from his. I was asleep in a moment.

* * *

There was no transport coming today. Duo left for the scrap yard in the morning. When I kissed him goodbye he whispered that we needed to talk.

Quatre hadn't said much. He was very quiet and I know that whatever he and Duo had discussed last night had affected him. Staying home was giving Quatre too much time to think and I was starting to feel uncomfortable. Quatre and I had shared many silent times, but none had ever felt uncomfortable like it did now. We needed to go out.

I got up, grabbed his hand, and led him to the door. "We need groceries," I explained. He followed me outside and we walked the five blocks to the store in silence.

Grabbing a small cart, I headed to the frozen food section. In the colonies, frozen products are the best option, especially in a colony like L2 that doesn't have satellites that engineer their food but have to import them from other clusters. "I miss carrots," I said almost to myself. They are very difficult to come by on L2 since they are quite expensive and most people wouldn't buy them.

"Zhaia is working on a project to open a Winner Resource Satellite on L2," Quatre said. "It would be very beneficial for the economy but we are still trying to get the permits. Some businessmen don't think it's such a good idea and they are paying the politicians to think the same." Quatre smiled, just like he did when he came up with the perfect strategy for a battle. "We are working on changing their minds."

The Winners may be pacifists but Quatre would stop at nothing if he thought he was doing the right thing. "Who's handling it now?"

The smile disappeared of his face. "Since I left, you mean? I'm sure Nayala is perfectly capable of completing my part of the project. "

I remembered that name. "She's the sister who came to L2. The one you were afraid to meet."

Quatre nodded. "The fact that she's here means that the project is progressing. That's good. We coul—" He shook his head slightly. "She could help a lot of people."

I put a bag of cheese on the cart. "You are not planning on going back." It wasn't a question.

He looked down. "I can't hurt them again."

"You are still the CEO." A simple search had proven that Quatre still held the position but he was listed on indefinite leave. "They are waiting for you."

Quatre shrugged. "I have many capable sisters. They can run things without me."

I dropped it. The only conversations we had until we finished shopping were about food products. If I ignored everything I had learned these last few days I could almost think that Quatre was back to normal. It wasn't true. He was still troubled and something told me that the problem with his empathy wasn't the only reason.

* * *

"Trowa called," said Duo as soon as we entered the house. "He and Wufei managed to convince some professors to let them take their finals earlier. They'll be here tomorrow night."

Quatre almost dropped the bag he was carrying.

"I told you yesterday that we called them," said Duo looking at Quatre. He had a serious look on his face. "Or were you too drunk to remember?"

I took the bag from Quatre's hands. He was carrying bottles and I didn't want them to break.

"I… remember." He looked nervous. "I just thought I had more time."

Duo grinned but I knew the expression was empty. "No time like the present, buddy."

Thinking that they needed some privacy, I took the bags into the kitchen and started to place the items on the fridge. I was almost done when Duo walked in. He stood behind me and wrapped his arms around me. "I love you."

I turned around so we were face to face. "You already said that twice last night. Why are you repeating it?"

When Duo came back to L2, after he went looking for me, I told him that I loved him for the first time. He had been ranting at that moment, telling me that I couldn't run off without telling anybody, that they would worry about me. After I said the words, he just stood motionless in front of me for a few minutes. He didn't say "I love you" back, but I wasn't expecting him to. It took him a couple of days before he asked me why I had said it. I told him I was following my emotions and that they had led me to him.

Our relationship had started without us even knowing. He gave me our first kiss, and I kissed him back. After we had sex for the first time, while he was lying in my arms and I was drifting asleep, he said it. Speaking with a clear voice, he said "I love you", kissed me and fell asleep.

The fact that we love each other and that we've admitted it doesn't mean that we say it every day. Those words carry a deep meaning and we are careful not to make them a routine. We say them because they are special, not because it's expected of us.

Duo kissed me. "Last night I was reminded of how lucky I am."

I kissed him back, and just looked at him for a moment, until I remembered where he had been last night. "Where's Quatre?"

"He's in the living room." Duo closed the fridge behind me and took a hold of my hand. "Come on, we don't want to leave him alone."

I nodded.

* * *

Hilde was excited at the idea of Wufei and Trowa coming to visit. She offered her spare bedroom for them since there wouldn't be enough space in our house for so many people. Duo agreed quickly and thanked her. Since they would be arriving very late at night, Duo said that they could crash the first night on our couch, so Hilde wouldn't have to get up at three in the morning to let them in.

Quatre didn't say a word. He ate his food quietly, and tried not to make eye contact with any of us. It was obvious that something about the visit was bothering him, and I worried that it might bother him enough to make him try to run.

When we got home, I pulled Duo and Quatre to the living room. It was time we started to deal with Quatre's problem. The longer we avoided it the worse it would be.

"Tell us about your empathy," I said.

We were all sitting on the couch. I was in the middle, leaning slightly on Duo so he and Quatre could look at each other.

Quatre waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. "You already know all about it."

I shook my head. "We know the technical aspects, if we can call them that, but nothing about how it is for you. Empathy is, as I understand, an ability that affects almost every aspect of the person who has it."

"We need to know how it works for you, how it affects you," Duo finished for me. I hadn't discussed this with Duo, but he seemed to have similar thoughts about how to approach the problem.

"It's hard to explain." Quatre sighed. "It's like trying to describe breathing." He paused, and placed one hand over his heart. "The air and the emotions are always around me, but just like breathing, sensing is an unconscious act for me and I only notice it when I decide to."

"What about when you sense something strong?" Duo asked. He put an arm around me, making me lean more comfortably on him. "You once told me that you felt Heero self destruct..."

Quatre had told me that too. We had been in Sank. I remember sitting in the garden but I don't remember what prompted the conversation to turn to that direction. That had been when I understood, really understood, how my actions affected the people around me.

When I had first arrived on earth, my goal was only to fulfill the mission, and by doing that, help create a new word. I had thought that as long as I put only myself in the line of fire, I would hurt no one. I was wrong. Quatre opened my eyes and Duo showed me that I was needed not only as a fighter, but as a person.

"Sometimes the emotions demand to be noticed," said Quatre with a little shrug. "The air becomes heavy and I have to focus if I want to keep control."

Duo looked thoughtful. "So you don't need to control your power all the time?"

Giving a little smile, Quatre explained. "It's not a power, Duo. At least I don't see it like that. And to answer your question, yes, I need to control it all the time, but I've gotten so used to it that unless the emotions are too strong, I don't notice it."

"When you do notice, what do you do to keep it under control?" I asked. "Enumerate the steps."

Quatre snorted and shook his head, as if he was laughing quietly at a private joke. "Let's see… first I identify the feeling and then the source. I visualize the person, and try to build a glass wall around them, a way to mute their emotions."

I interrupted. "How?"

Diverting his eyes, Quatre remained silent for a moment. After a while, he nodded to himself, and looked back at me. "I guess I focus on those emotions I know are mine and use them to push the others away." He shrugged. "That's why I can't negate my emotions like others do. The moment I try to run away from mine, all the others come crashing down." He leaned his head against the back of the couch. "Distance helps too. The farther away I get, the less I feel."

I nodded. "That's why you really left. You were trying to put distance between yourself and your sister, so whatever you did would fade away."

Quatre was looking at his hands. "I didn't know if it would work but I had to try. If I had stayed, maybe she wouldn't have recovered."

"You don't know that," said Duo. "For all we know it was just a temporary thing, anyway."

Quatre remained silent, his eyes downcast. He wasn't ready to hear Duo's words yet. He was still feeling guilty and wouldn't listen. I tried to bring back the conversation to the initial topic. "What do you do if you want to sense someone?"

"I just focus on the person." Quatre waved his hand in a circle. "The emotions are always there, just waiting to be noticed. Sensing others is easier than trying to block them."

The raise and fall of Duo's chest stopped. He was holding his breath. "Can you tell what I'm feeling right now?"

"Yes, but I choose not to. Sometimes I notice without wanting to, sometimes the emotions scream to me, but normally I keep them muted." He looked at Duo. "I don't intrude on people's emotions, not intentionally anyway." He swallowed. "I understand if you feel uncomfortable."

Duo was breathing again. "I don't, Q, and you know it. I trust you. Don't try to make excuses so you can leave. We already agreed that you're not going anywhere." He paused, and even if I couldn't see his face, I knew he was grinning. "You're stuck with us, buddy, better face the facts."

Quatre smiled. "It could be worse."

* * *

We didn't talk more about Quatre's empathy. Instead, we spent the rest of the night playing cards. When it was time for bed, Quatre politely shook his head at Duo's suggestion to follow us up.

"I have intruded enough," Quatre said. "I'm sure you would like to have a night to yourselves."

The hidden meaning wasn't lost to me. I liked being with Duo but I wasn't about to leave Quatre alone just because it had been two days since my last fuck.

"Do you want to stay here alone?" asked Duo.

Quatre looked uncomfortable. He was looking at his hands when he said, "I know you miss each other." He put a hand over his heart. "I can feel it, remember?"

"I know you felt us last time," I said. Hilde hadn't told it to me in confidence and it was time Quatre stopped trying to hide himself from us. He needed to face the truth if we were to help him.

Duo's eyes widened a bit but that was the only sign of shock he showed.

Quatre's head snapped up and he looked at me. "I didn't mean to. I would never do that intentionally." He shook his head, lowered his eyes and the next words bared the same sadness he exhibited on his first day here. "I'm losing my control and I don't know how to get it back."

I moved towards Quatre, not sure exactly why but I felt that I needed to close the distance.

He took a step back. "You need each other." He turned, got the coat he had been using, and moved to the door. "I'm taking a walk. I'll be back later and I'll sleep on the couch." He gave us a shaky smile. "Tomorrow, if that's okay, I'll stay with you."

"Q, it's dangerous out there." Duo said, but there was no conviction behind his words.

"Then I'll just go get a beer at the bar you took me to." Quatre opened the door. "You need each other and I can't be here when that happens. I promise I'll get back."

Duo nodded. "I'll hold you up to that."

Quatre left, not looking back.

* * *

We left a pillow and some blankets on the couch for Quatre before we headed upstairs. We stripped quietly, moving to the bed and sharing a kiss. The mood was weird, as if there was something heavy, pressing in on us.

The kiss ended and I said, "His heart is broken." Quatre had given us this moment but I still couldn't help but thinking about how sad he'd looked and, as I tasted Duo's kiss, I recognized Quatre's longing. I had felt it before, when I hadn't found myself, and Duo was a colony away.

Duo exhaled. "Yeah." He looked at me for a moment.

I remembered Duo two nights ago, kissing me, and telling me that he loved me. Quatre's loss had reminded him of what we have, of how lucky we are. I brushed the bangs from Duo's face and gave him a soft kiss, my lips barely open, barely touching his. "I love you."

He smiled at me, an intimate smile he shares with no one else. Then my hands were on him. I touched his skin, holding on to him, making sure that he was real, that he was there for me. He returned my caresses; touching me with the same fervor I touched him.

We can be gentle with each other or we can be rough. We can explore each other's bodies for hours or we can just pound into each other hard and fast. Tonight we were intense. Each touch was desperate, as if we needed to prove that we were there for the other, as if we were clinging to each other, fearing being alone.

I lost track of time. It could have been minutes or it could have been hours, but every moment of it was intense. By the time we were done I had no energy left and my mind was hazy. I fell asleep on Duo's arms, secure in his arms as he held on to me.

* * *

Quatre was on the couch in the morning. Half of the blanket was on the floor, leaving most of his chest uncovered, and he was shivering slightly. I put the blanket over him and walked to the kitchen, wanting to get some breakfast ready.

I heard Duo's steps entering the kitchen minutes later. He put his arms around me. He was still warm from bed while I was starting to get cold.

"You should be wearing more than boxers. You are shivering."

I turned to look at him. Duo was barefoot, wearing boxers and a t-shirt. I glared. "I'm not shivering."

Duo rolled his eyes at me and handed me the first cup of coffee. "This will help you get warm." He purred another cup for himself. "Should we wake him up? There's another transport today but I think he could use a day off."

Quatre walked in before I could answer. His eyes were half closed and he had the blanket thrown over his shoulders. He headed straight for the coffee machine, managed to pour himself a cup and then sat at the kitchen table. After he took his first sip he said, "Morning," and then went back to his coffee. A couple of sips later and his eyes were open. He looked at Duo. "I'm going to work. You said you needed my help and I don't want to sit and do nothing all day."

Duo blinked and then nodded. He put his own cup on the table beside Quatre's and helped me serve the eggs and toast I had made. Duo talked about the transport they would be getting today. Quatre made a few comments here and there.

It wasn't until we were done eating, and Quatre was about to go take a shower, that Duo moved towards him, placed a small kiss on his cheek and said, "thank you."

I squeezed Quatre's shoulders and repeated the words.

Quatre whispered, "It's nothing," and left the kitchen.

Duo and I shared a look. He didn't realize how much it was.

* * *

Quatre was quiet when he came back. He didn't say much at dinner, even though Hilde tried to get him to talk. He kept replying in short sentences and going quiet again. His eyes weren't completely focused and I could see that he was thinking something that had nothing to do with the taste of the soup.

Hilde said goodbye to us with a smile and then told us to say hi to Trowa and Wufei for her. Quatre held his breath when he heard the names and he didn't let it out until we were half way to our house.

We had decided to wait up for Trowa and Wufei. Duo had already decided to take tomorrow off, and since there wasn't a transport coming, Quatre had the day off too. Someone at work had lent Duo a horror movie vid and we sat down to watch it.

I sat on the right corner, Duo leaning on me with a bowl of popcorn on his lap. Quatre sat next to Duo, leaning on the left arm of the couch. The movie was bad. I spend the first twenty minutes glaring at Duo while Quatre rolled his eyes at the bloody scenes and kept wondering out loud who would enjoy watching that. Duo tried defending the movie until the main character found the Holy Grail and used it to break a zombie's neck

As bad as the movie was, it made Quatre relax. He laughed, smiled and made jokes. Whatever he had been thinking earlier was out of his mind for the moment; he looked at ease. We played cards after it. We talked about every day stuff, about the movie, about Hilde and Relena… but I was careful not to mention Wufei or Trowa and I noticed Duo was doing the same.

We did a decent job of keeping Quatre distracted, until the doorbell rang.

Quatre went white.

Trowa and Wufei had arrived.


	4. Hollow 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the war Heero has found his way, but some of the pilots are still trying to find theirs.

They looked tired.

Both had a small bag on their shoulders and wore a heavy jacket. The colony's temperature is colder this time of the year, especially at night. It tries to simulate Earth's cycles, maybe to make the habitants feel in a less artificial place, but it is just a bother.

Wufei nodded at me the moment I opened the door, Trowa didn't bother, he just asked, "Where is he?"

Quatre had stayed in the living room with Duo. He hadn't made a single move towards the door when the bell rang; actually he had turned his face away from it.

"Come on in." I closed the door behind them and let them follow me to the living room. Quatre was still facing away and Duo was sitting closer to him than he had been when I went to open the door.

"Quatre," Trowa said as he walked to the couch, dropping his bag on the floor on the way. Quatre didn't turn to look at him. Wufei stood beside me in the living room entrance.

Putting a hand on Quatre's shoulder, Trowa called his name again. This time Quatre did turn to face him. There was a small empty smile on his face. I recognized the gesture; Quatre was hiding again. "Hello, Trowa."

Trowa knelt on the floor and put his arms around Quatre. He said nothing and Quatre let himself be hugged for a moment before he pushed Trowa away. "Hi, Wufei," Quatre said turning to give that same empty smile to him.

Wufei nodded once. "Quatre."

There was an awkward moment of silence. It was the first time since Peacemillion that we were all together. The awkwardness seemed out of place. It didn't belong among us. We had shared too much to feel uncomfortable, but yet, there it was, an awkward silence as we refused to meet each other's eyes.

Duo broke it. "What am I, the invisible man?" He stood up and gave Trowa a hug. "Nice to see you, man." He grinned, then walked to Wufei, and hugged him too. "It's been too long."

"Hilde sends greetings," I said. "You'll see her tomorrow."

"Yeah, you'll be crashing with her," added Duo.

Wufei nodded and looked at Quatre, who was still sitting on the couch, his eyes fixed on a distant spot on the wall, ignoring Trowa kneeling before him. "I suppose your couch is taken."

Duo shrugged. "Hil has a spare room." He didn't really answer the question. He wouldn't lie to Trowa and Wufei but he wouldn't share information that Quatre might want to keep private.

"What happened, Quatre? Why did you disappear like that?" I turned to look at Trowa. He was watching Quatre and Quatre's eyes were still fixed on the wall. Trowa's voice sounded sad. He and Quatre were close. I imagine it hurt him that Quatre didn't trust him enough to tell him his problems.

Quatre opened his mouth and closed it, twice. He looked at Trowa and the empty smile wasn't on his face. He tried to speak again but ended up closing his eyes and bowing his head.

"It's late," Duo said. "We'll talk tomorrow." Duo rarely uses a firm tone. He likes to suggest and convince people to do as he says, but there are times when he doesn't bother and takes a direct approach. This was one of them.

Quatre stood up, not making eye contact with anyone. He walked towards Duo and waited, standing next to him.

"I'll get some blankets and pillows." Duo walked upstairs and Quatre followed.

Trowa stood up and walked next to Wufei. We didn't speak.

After a few minutes, Duo returned with the items, alone. He put them on the couch. "Make yourselves at home, but no funny business on the couch." He shook his index finger at Trowa and Wufei, but there was a grin on his face. It was fake. They probably wouldn't notice but Duo couldn't fool me. Duo's words were casual but I could read between the lines. He didn't want Quatre to feel Trowa and Wufei being together. "Feel free to take anything from the kitchen." He yawned, took my hand and started pulling me towards the stairs. "Nighty night."

We only gave one step before Trowa asked. "Where's Quatre?"

The fake grin was gone instantly from Duo's face. "We're taking care of him, Trowa. Get some sleep, man. You look tired." With that he turned around, pulling me behind him.

"Good night," I said and followed Duo upstairs.

I looked back one last time and saw Trowa's confused look and Wufei's accusing one.

* * *

"I'd better tell you." Quatre was sitting in the middle of the bed, his knees pressed to his face and his arms around them.

I heard Duo close the door behind us. "Tell me what?" I asked.

"About Trowa and Wufei."

Duo sat down on the bed, took his shoes off and moved closer to Quatre. "I can tell him for you, Q. You don't have to."

Quatre shook his head. "Yes I have. Heero deserves to hear it from me."

I moved to Quatre's other side and sat on the bed. What Quatre needed to tell me was probably what he and Duo had discussed that day in the bar. I hadn't asked. I knew that Quatre would share when he was ready. I moved my hand to the lamp on the bedside table and dimmed the lights. Quatre smiled in the shadows.

After taking a deep breath, Quatre said, "Trowa and I... We were kind of together for a while, after the war."

"You _were_ together, Q," said Duo softly. "You might not have known it then, but you were."

I had known they were close but I didn't know Quatre and Trowa had anything more than a close friendship. "Define kind of together."

"We kissed." Quatre lowered his eyes. "We touched each other and we spent a lot of time together. We never said, I love you." A pause. "We didn't have sex." Quatre swallowed and licked his lips. "In hindsight, it does look like we were together but, back then, we were friends, close friends."

I nodded even though I didn't really understand. When Duo and I were only friends we hadn't kissed. It wasn't until I knew that I wanted him that we broke that unspoken barrier. That barrier was still up with Quatre, Trowa and Wufei. I consider them close friends but I'm not intimate with them in that way.

Quatre continued. "After he went away, he came to visit me. He was confused about many things and I helped him sort them out." He swallowed again. "We slept together."

I understood then who had broken Quatre's heart.

"It was then I realized I loved him." Quatre smiled sadly. "He would have stayed if I'd asked, but I could see into his heart, and he had doubts."

"Wufei," I whispered.

Quatre nodded. "We were naïve. Before that night, Trowa and I hadn't felt lust for each other." The words were spoken almost in a rush, and I could tell Quatre was uncomfortable discussing the subject. "We were too close to see each other in that light, but Wufei… Trowa lusted after Wufei and he also cared for him." Quatre put one of his hands on his chest. "After we had sex, Trowa was confused. I could feel that he desired me but his feelings for Wufei were still there." He sighed. "I couldn't be with Trowa if he wasn't sure of his feelings. So I told him to go to Wufei."

I glared. "You what?"

"I already told him how stupid he was," Duo said. "You got to stop the self-sacrificing bullshit, Q."

"It wasn't like that," Quatre replied.

I kept glaring, trying to understand Quatre's reasoning.

It took a moment for Quatre to speak again. "I didn't want his pity. I couldn't be with him when I could sense him wondering what would have been if he had gone to Wufei. It wasn't a selfless act, Duo." Quatre lowered his eyes. "I wished he would come back to me, but he didn't. I got my answer."

I put a hand on Quatre's shoulder. "What did you feel from him tonight? Is he still confused?"

Quatre frowned. "He is, but this feels different. I don't know why. I can't risk looking too closely. I'm not sure what will happen."

"They'll ask questions tomorrow," I said and looked at Duo. "It's up to you what you want to share with them."

"Yeah. What you said stays between us until you say differently."

Quatre nodded. He didn't speak another word that night.

* * *

I woke up before Duo and Quatre. After putting on the pants I had worn the day before, I made my way downstairs, ready to fix us some breakfast. Wufei and Trowa were already awake. The blankets were neatly folded on the couch with the pillows above them. I could hear the downstairs shower running.

Trowa was in the kitchen. He was wearing boxers and a t-shirt. His hair was messy, sticking up in different directions. There was a cup of coffee on his hand and he was making scrambled eggs with the other. I walked into the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee for me. "Morning," I mumbled.

There was no reply. I took a couple of sips and let the silence stretch between us. "Need help?" I asked after a while.

"I got it."

I nodded, even though Trowa's back was turned to me, then I sat at the table, facing him. "Should I wake the others?" I asked after I finished my cup of coffee.

Trowa dropped the spoon on the counter and turned to me. "How long have you been sleeping with him?" His eyes were cold and the tone was accusatory. Trowa was angry, angrier than I had seen him in a long while.

I knew very well what he was implying. "Since we found him," I replied.

Trowa took a step towards me. His hands were pressed in tight fists. "He was vulnerable and you took advantage of him. Isn't Duo enough?"

"I am," Duo said, entering the kitchen. He stood behind me and put his arms around my waist. "Calm down, Trowa. We need to talk. All of us."

After giving us a glare, Trowa turned back to the stove. A few minutes later Wufei walked in. He was dressed in soft cotton pants and a sweater; his hair was loose. He nodded to Duo and me and then walked towards Trowa. He put a hand on Trowa's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. He kept the hand there and stayed close to Trowa, his back turned to us.

I heard Quatre's steps stop just by the threshold. Duo and I turned around and smiled at him.

"Morning, Q."

"Hey." He gave us a fake smile and sat beside me. Duo gave me a kiss on the neck before he took the seat on Quatre's other side.

Breakfast was quiet and uncomfortable. Trowa and Wufei kept glaring at Duo and me and avoiding Quatre's eyes. Quatre simply smiled that empty smile. Duo and I picked up the dishes, and when the table was cleaned, Duo looked at Quatre and said, "Time to talk."

* * *

We gathered in the living room. There was more space there and we could sit comfortably around the coffee table and see each other. Duo had taken the day off; there were no transports so Quatre had no reason to go to the salvage yard either.

Duo and I sat on the couch, we didn't lean on each other like we usually did but we sat closely; him with a hand on my knee, me with a hand on top of his. Quatre sat on the other end of the couch, leaning on the arm and leaving a big empty space between him and us. Wufei and Trowa sat on the floor, on the other side of the coffee table, facing us. They didn't touch but, like Duo and me, but they sat closely together.

We just looked at each other for a moment, shifting out eyes from one person to the next, no one wanting to be the first to speak. Finally, after a while, Trowa did. "What happened, Quatre?" A simple question with many levels of answers. I looked at Quatre and waited to see how deep he would go.

Quatre swallowed and shifted position. "I'm dangerous," he whispered. "I needed to get away so I wouldn't hurt people."

Wufei's eyes narrowed while a worried expression crossed Trowa's face. "Explain," said Wufei.

Quatre took a deep breath and then looked at Duo and me. I could see the conflict in his gaze. It was time for him to make a decision, and Duo and I would stand by it, whatever it was. "I promised Duo and Heero I wouldn't leave, but there's still the chance that I might hurt them."

"Stop that, Q." Duo gave Quatre a hard look. "We already told you we'll take the risk."

His statement was met with a nod from Quatre followed by a sigh. "You deserve to know." Quatre clearly wasn't happy with the decision he had taken. "My empathy…" he hesitated. "I can't control it." His eyes hardened and he fixed them on Trowa. "I put my sister in a coma. I'm dangerous and it's better for all of you if I stay away."

I was about to assure Quatre, once again, that we would happily take any risk if it meant helping him, but Trowa spoke first. "You should have come to… us." The small hesitation was enough to let me know that he wanted to say something else, perhaps 'me'. "You should have known we would help you." Beside him, Wufei looked doubtful and I remembered that, as far as I knew, he didn't believe in Quatre's empathy.

Quatre didn't quiver under Trowa's glare. Instead he raised his chin higher and replied, "I never doubted that." I could see he wanted to say more but he didn't. Again, silence filled the room.

"We're trying to help him, but we still don't know what the problem is," Duo informed. He was never good at handling silence; it was natural for him to want to fill the emptiness with his voice.

"Is screwing him part of your therapy?"

The words were delivered with deadly calmness. Trowa was glaring at Duo when he said them, clearly stating that he wasn't happy with what he'd assumed. Wufei was glaring at me. He put a hand on Trowa's knee but said nothing. It was just a gesture to let Trowa know that he was there.

I glared back at both of them while I felt Duo tense. The accusation had been harsh and I was sure it had hurt Duo the way it had hurt me. We cared about Quatre and I thought that our friends knew us better than to think we would take advantage of him while he was in a vulnerable state.

"We are not fucking each other."

I looked at Quatre, amazed at hearing him use such crude language. I had never heard him swear before. He had risen from the couch and was standing straight, looking down at Trowa. There was anger behind his gaze but seconds after he spoke the anger slipped from his face and the sad empty look returned. "I'm going for a walk," he said more calmly, and then turned to Duo and me. "Please don't follow. I'll be back." With that he walked out of the living room, and as he disappeared behind a corner I thought I saw a faint glow surrounding him.

* * *

After Quatre left, things became more awkward, if that were possible. We sat in silence before Duo excused himself and decided to go to work anyway. I couldn't blame him; I understood his anger and need to go somewhere to cool off. Feeling no need to be polite, I simply stood up and headed for the spare room to catch up with some work.

For at least three hours I kept myself busy with work. It was one of the satisfying things about my chosen profession. Creating new security projects was challenging and I never used the same program twice. Each company's security was different than the last, and I prided myself in not keeping any patterns in my many projects. I could dive into work and keep all other thoughts away for as long as I wanted to… unless I was interrupted.

I couldn't say I was surprised to see Trowa at the door. "He's not back yet," he said when I turned to face him.

"I'm sure he's fine. He'll come back when he's ready." I faced the computer screen again and continued typing, too aware of Trowa, still waiting at the threshold.

"I shouldn't have assumed." A pause. "I'm sorry."

This time I closed the lid of my laptop and turned to face him again. I gestured to the empty chair beside the boxes filled with computer spare parts, and waited for him to sit down. Trowa wouldn't appreciate small talk and that's a skill I never bothered to learn. "Do you have feelings for him?"

His head snapped up and he looked at me. I had managed to startle him. "I'm with Wufei."

"That's not what I asked." I kept my eyes trained on him, challenging him to lie to me or to try to avoid the subject again. If he did, then I would know.

His eyes shifted and then were fixed on me again. "I don't know."

I'm not an expert in love. It took me long enough to understand what I felt for both Duo and Relena and then to comprehend the different types of love. If Trowa was facing something similar then I knew that no matter what anyone wanted he would come to his own answers in his own time. "What about Wufei?"

"I love him."

Good. I wouldn't have to kick his ass for playing with Wufei, but there was still the question of Quatre. "You are going to hurt one of them," I said, realizing in that same moment how grave the situation was. "No matter what you do, one of them is going to get hurt, if it's not both."

Trowa lowered his eyes. He stared at his hands, quietly, for a few long minutes, and then he got up, and as he left the room he whispered, "I know."


	5. Hollow 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the war Heero has found his way, but some of the pilots are still trying to find theirs.

Hilde apparently came in while I worked and took Wufei and Trowa to her place to get them settled. The sun was setting and Quatre and Duo still hadn't come back. I thought about going to look for them, but neither of them would appreciate it.

I heard the door and I knew instantly Duo was home. I saved my work, powered down the laptop and headed downstairs.

"They're gone?" he asked, sitting on the sofa, his legs spread, his head resting on the back of the couch and his eyes closed.

I stood behind him and started to massage his temples and scalp with my fingertips. "Hilde took them."

"Damn, I love her!" He opened his eyes, looked up and me and smiled. "If I had known I would have come home earlier. How's Cat?"

"He's not back yet."

"What!?" Duo sat us straight and then knelt on the sofa to look at me straight instead of upside down. "It's been hours! Where is he? What if he left again?"

"I didn't. I promised I'll be back."

Quatre was standing in the kitchen doorway, a glass of water in his hand. He looked tired and his clothes were dirty.

"Are you alright?" I asked, noticing how he kept his right hand behind his leg and out of our view.

"I'm fine."

He was lying.

Apparently Duo had also noticed how Quatre seemed to be hiding his hand, so he moved forward and took a hold of Quatre's right wrist. Quatre resisted for a few seconds before he sighted and allowed Duo to take his hand to examine. I didn't have to be close to see the open cuts on his palm that had just been cleaned but were still bleeding slightly.

I took the glass of water from Quatre and put it on the table before inspecting his right palm. It wasn't as bad as the other. The cuts there had stopped bleeding and there seemed to be fewer. "What happened?" I asked, pulling Quatre into the kitchen and making him sit before I took the first aid kit from one of the drawers.

"You could have at least taken some gloves." Duo was glaring at Quatre, still holding onto the bleeding hand. "Of all the stupid things, Quatre! I thought we'd gotten it through your thick head that you need to take care of yourself. You aren't allowed to pull any more of this shit."

Quatre opened his mouth and then closed it. "I'm sorry. I just needed to keep my mind occupied. Do something. I wasn't thinking."

"Damn right you weren't." I could see Duo's anger drain out of his face before he smiled at Quatre. "Next time, Q, just come to the junk yard, we'll take the Leos out and have some fun. Anything's better than cleaning junk from the shuttle port." The cuts on Quatre's palms and his tired look suddenly made sense.

Reaching into his pocket, Quatre put some credits on the table. "It isn't much, but it's all I have right now."

Duo glared at the money. "What is this?"

"I'm living here, Duo. It's right I share something."

"What the fuck, Quatre? Would you have ever let me pay for crashing in your place, or visiting you?" Duo pushed the money back at Quatre. "We aren't taking it."

Quatre looked at me and I glared. He lowered his eyes, took the money and replaced it in his pocket. "Thank you. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…" He looked at Duo and then at me. "I didn't mean to offend you."

Duo smiled at took Quatre's hand. "It's okay. We know you are a little slow sometimes, but we love you anyway."

Nodding, I wet a small towel, took Quatre's right hand from Duo, and cleaned the blood. Then I took a few light bandages from the box but Quatre stopped me before I could put them on. "It's not that bad," he said. "I don't want to worry them."

They were just scratches, and as long as he kept his hands and his wounds clean then there was no risk for infection. In fact, the wounds would probably heal faster without the bandages, but his right hand was still bleeding. "Let me put them on, so the bleeding will stop. You can take them off before dinner." Quatre nodded.

After I was done, Quatre asked softly, "Did they leave?"

"Hilde kidnapped them for the day." Duo grinned but it was forced. "Well see them at dinner."

Quatre nodded slowly and then stood up. "I need a shower." He left. He would take the bandages off.

Duo slumped on one of the kitchen chairs and sighed loudly. "Shit!" He buried his face in his hands. "This is fucked up."

I sat beside him and finished Quatre's water.

* * *

Dinner was tense.

Hilde kept trying to make polite conversation, breaking the various awkward silences but she wasn't very successful.

Quatre kept his eyes on his plate, eating slowly and avoiding everyone's gazes. Trowa hadn't said a word all evening and Wufei limited himself to answering Hilde's questions now and then. Duo talked, mainly with Hilde, but he didn't chat nearly as much as he usually did, especially considering it was the first time in months we had seen Trowa and Wufei. They had hurt him with their actions, and even though Duo was trying to hide it, it showed.

As soon as we were done, and the plates were cleared from the table, Quatre volunteered to help Hilde with the dishes. The four of us were left alone, without the food to use as a distraction.

In the end, Duo was the first to speak. "Quatre needs us now, and you aren't helping." Wufei opened his mouth to say something but Duo stopped him with a gesture and continued. "His empathy problem's major and us, fighting, accusing each other, isn't helping. Whatever issues we have, we need to work them out fast."

"I'm sorry for what I said before." Trowa's voice was firm and he looked at Duo in the eyes.

"And I'm sorry for assuming that too," said Wufei, looking at Duo and me.

Duo nodded and then waved his hand. "That's all very nice and well but you need to apologize to Quatre."

"And I think you need to talk with him, alone," I added.

They both nodded but Trowa hesitated a moment before he did. I didn't let my gaze linger on Trowa. I just hoped that Trowa sorted his feelings for Quatre, whatever they were. At this point, three of my best friends were about to get very hurt, and that wasn't something I wanted to see happen.

I stood up. "Duo and I are going home. Talk to him, and listen."

"See you, guys," Duo said and followed me to the kitchen.

Duo stood behind Hilde, looking at the sink over her shoulder. "How's the washing going?"

"This is the last one." Hilde grinned and rinsed the last plate.

Quatre was drying his hands on a small towel hanging over the sink. "Are you going?"

"Yes. Trowa and Wufei want to talk to you." I walked closer to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Duo and I will be at the house if you need us."

Duo grinned. "So yell or something if you do." He laughed nervously.

Hilde took the towel from Quatre's hands and used it to dry her own. "I'm going out so you all can talk privately here." She smiled.

"You're what?" Duo glared at her. "Going out with who?"

Hilde sighed. "I'm not telling you because you are a big overprotective brute and will scare him away." She put her hands on her hips and returned the glare.

"What if something happens to you?"

"Duo Maxwell, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, and unless you smile and wish me a good night, I'll kick your ass, and you know very well I can!"

Duo didn't quite smile but he did mutter the requested words. Hilde gave us a sunny smile, kissed all of us goodnight, and left out the front door.

"I'll take the couch tonight," said Quatre, after Hilde left. He didn't give us an empty smile as he walked into the dinning room.

Duo and I went home.

* * *

I woke to the feeling of an empty bed. I didn't need to open my eyes to know that Duo was no longer beside me. I sat up at glanced at the clock. It was three in the morning. Standing up, I ran my hand through my hair once and searched for my slippers in the dark. After I found them, I left the room and went downstairs to look for Duo.

The kitchen light was on so I headed there, noticing that the blankets and pillows we had left for Quatre on the couch hadn't been touched. As I walked closer I heard voices.

Duo and Quatre were sitting at the table, a mug in front of each of them. They both looked at me as I entered the kitchen and sat on an empty chair.

"How long have you been here?" I asked Quatre but it was Duo who answered.

"Just about ten minutes." He took a sip of what I could smell was hot chocolate. "I woke up, not sure why, and came down here to find Q. He was..." He let the sentence trail off and made a gesture with his hand.

"I was doing it again." Quatre sighed. His hands were around his mug but he made no move to lift it from the table. "Wufei and Trowa were having sex."

I looked at Duo. "Was he glowing?"

Duo nodded slowly. "You know about this?"

"That first night here, I found him in the back yard. He was glowing then too."

"I glowed when I put my sister in a coma too. It's happening again and I can't control it." There was a cracking sound. Quatre had broken the handle of his mug. He stared at the broken piece of ceramic in his hand for a moment and then whispered, "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," I said the same time Duo said, "I didn't like that mug anyway."

"How did the conversation go?" I asked. If we were all awake we might as well talk.

Quatre shrugged. "I told them what happened. Why I left, where I went, why I can't go back." Rotating the mug to avoid the broken part, Quatre took a sip of his chocolate. "Wufei doesn't believe me."

"Did he say that?" Duo asked, and I noticed an edge on his voice. He had always been very protective of Quatre.

"No," Quatre replied. "He didn't have to. I could feel his skepticism."

"What about Trowa?"

I expected my question to get some reaction from Quatre but he replied calmly, as if I had been asking about the weather. "He's worried."

Noticing that Quatre didn't want to continue with that line of conversation I asked, "How often have these empathic episodes occurred since what happened with your sister?"

Quatre remained quiet for a moment and his eyes had a distant look. "Nothing until that first night here. Then once at Hilde's, earlier today just before I left, and now."

"So it just works when you are in the proximity of people you are close to," said Duo. "Do you feel my emotions stronger than some dude's on the street?"

"I always feel emotions, I just have them muted," Quatre reminded us. "But if you and someone on the street would feel something that demanded to be noticed with the same intensity, for me, his would be a call while yours would be a loud scream."

I chuckled. "Nice choice of words."

Quatre shrugged. "I'm not sure how else to explain it."

"And apparently, you only take someone else's emotions when they are strong," I said, thinking of the incidents. "Sex, anger, love, lust, happiness."

Blushing, Quatre nodded slightly. "They were screaming to be noticed, but that's not all I did, at some point I started taking them, and I didn't know how to stop."

"How did you?" Quatre looked confused, maybe because he was tired, so I added. "None of us is in a coma. We still retain our emotions so you must have stopped somehow."

A small frown appeared on Quatre's face. "That first night you came. Then, at Hilde's," the frown deepened, "I don't know. I went to the restroom, so she wouldn't see, washed my face, and…" He shook his head, frustrated. "I don't know."

Duo wasn't quite smiling, but there was something in his eyes that let me know that he found Quatre's confusion a good sign. "Cat, you stopped it somehow. None of us were there; did Hil interrupt you or something."

"No. She waited for me in the kitchen."

"What about earlier today?" I asked.

"I'm not sure. I walked, and by the time I reached the spaceport I was okay. Maybe the distance helped?"

"Or maybe you're slowly learning to control it instinctively, Q." Now Duo was smiling.

Quatre looked thoughtful for a moment and then the corners of his lips curved.

"Come to bed. It's late and we are tired."

Quatre looked like he was about to argue, but one look from Duo was all it took for him to nod and follow us upstairs.

* * *

I was dreaming.

I was walking thorough the halls of the Sank Kingdom school, looking for someone. Dorothy was talking with Relena in a corner, smiling at something. I walked right by them and opened a door. There was music in the room. It was our living room, but instead of the couch, in the middle was a large piano, and Quatre was sitting behind it, playing softly.

He wasn't looking at the keys. His eyes were fixed on the window. I turned around and saw space, endless black, and Trowa, no flying suit, floating, his eyes sad and looking at Quatre. I moved back, feeling like I was intruding on something, and bumped into someone.

Wufei's hair was down. "We are all soldiers," he said. And suddenly I had a gun at that little girl's head, and I was squeezing the trigger. There was no turning back. She would die, and I with her.

And the music stopped me.

I was in our living room again. Duo was holding me, and we were sitting on the couch watching Quatre play, Trowa float and Wufei repeat, over and over again, that we were soldiers.

And I woke up.

* * *

Quatre was looking at me. I blinked a couple of times and noticed that he was sitting on the bed, looking down at me. He didn't say anything.

"Do you still play?" I don't know why I asked that.

"Not since I left," he replied in a whisper. I looked beside me and noticed Duo sleeping, hugging his pillow.

"Want to talk about your nightmare?"

"I woke you," I said.

He shook his head. "Your emotions did."

"You didn't take them this time."

"No, I didn't."

"Why?"

"You had it under control."

I frowned. It was the music that had pulled me back, taken me to Duo's safe embrace. "You were playing. You brought me back."

He shook his head again. "I can't interfere with your dreams."

"You need to play again," I said, and buried my face in the pillow. Within minutes, I was asleep.

* * *

Duo and Quatre left for work. I wasn't sure if there really was something for Quatre to do in the scrape yard but he probably needed to spend sometime away from Trowa and Wufei. Duo would find a way to keep him busy.

Wufei and Trowa came after breakfast and asked me if there was anything they could do. They were getting restless, not used to spending a lot of time with nothing to occupy themselves with. I had managed to do enough work yesterday so I could take the day off if I wanted to, and there were a couple of errands I wanted to run.

"I'm going out," I told them, grabbing my jacket from the closet. "You can come with me; it's been a while since we talked."

They nodded and we left the house together. Duo and I had a vehicle that we shared with Hilde but hardly ever used. It was an old jeep that Duo had put together from scrap. It didn't look like much but it ran perfectly and didn't need a lot of fuel. The place we needed to go to was on the other side of the colony so we needed the jeep.

Trowa took the front seat and Wufei climbed in the back. Usually I like to drive in silence, but today the silence was annoying me. Thankfully, Duo had insisted on installing a music system in the jeep and I turned it on. A loud song came through the speakers, electric guitars and heavy percussion. I drove in silence, with just the music taking the edge off the situation. I was surprised to see Trowa mouthing the words of the song, too low for me to hear him.

It had been about twenty minutes when Wufei finally asked, "Where are we going?"

"Saint Francis Hospital."

They waited for me to elaborate but I didn't. Trowa turned the music down and asked, "Why?"

"We are meeting Doctor Sophia Dresdner." She had replied to my mail and had invited me to discuss the problem in her office today. I hadn't told anyone about her, and I wouldn't until I knew she could help. Her credentials had been impressive, and her field of research showed that she was probably the best person for the job, at least in the L2 cluster.

"Why?" Trowa repeated.

"I have a few questions to ask her." I didn't want to tell them exactly why I wanted to talk to her. I would rather they see it, especially Wufei.

The hospital was only a few minutes away. I could see they wanted to keep asking questions but they wouldn't press on. They were here, so they would find out eventually anyway.

Saint Francis was a private hospital, one of the only two in this colony. It was a modern clean building that belonged in the north part of the colony; a very small part reserved for the few rich people around. We walked inside and, after I found direction to the offices, I headed straight to 308B.

The door was open and a woman around her forties was sitting at the desk. "Mrs. Dresdner?" I asked.

She raised her eyes from her notes and gave me a questioning look.

"Heero Yuy," I said.

"Oh yes." She stood up. "Please, come in, Mr. Yuy. Who are your friends?"

I didn't answer. It wasn't my place to do that. Maybe they didn't want to give her their names.

"Chang Wufei." Wufei followed me into the room. "That's Trowa."

"Charmed," said the doctor, but her smile wasn't quite as bright as before. She turned to me. "I was just revising the information you asked for. I'm glad you decided to come for it in person. I have a few questions I hope you don't mind answering."

There were two chairs in front of her desk but the three of us remained standing. "You can ask, but I can't promise to answer," I said.

She didn't sit down again, and was looking decidedly uncomfortable. "Yeah," she said, and started rummaging through the papers in her desk. "Well, I made you a copy of all the information I have about empathy. There's more about receptive than projective, since very few people develop the ability into the projective level." She cleared her throat. "I'm curious about this person you mentioned in your mail, what are exactly the problems with their empathy?"

I was aware that Trowa and Wufei were giving me questioning looks, but I ignored them for the moment and glared at the doctor. "I didn't say he had problems."

"You didn't?" She looked at me but lowered her eyes quickly.

"I said there were unusual developments."

"Oh yes!" She smiled, still avoiding looking at me. "So what are these developments?"

I shook my head. I wasn't giving her any specifics. "They are not normal receptive or projective developments." I frowned. "But they are active."

She didn't look put out with my refusal to give her specifics. "Active? We associate active as projective. How do you know it's not projective?" She didn't let me answer. "Empaths are complicated. Any ability ties into character but empathy is the one that does it more intimately. Projective empaths can affect other's emotions in various ways; it doesn't necessarily mean making others feel what the empath does." She smiled at me. "I can see you are not willing to tell me much about your friend." Picking up the scattered papers on her desk, she handed them to me. "Read this over, and if you have any questions, contact me again. What's happening to your friend might be more normal than you know."

I took the papers from her. There were three folders, the thinnest one labeled 'Projective'.

"Thank you," I said, and turned to leave. I heard Wufei and Trowa thank her too before we left her office.

* * *

The drive was quiet. I could see through the rearview mirror how Wufei sometimes gave Trowa strange looks, but Trowa never turned around, not once. I stopped the jeep in front of a diner, the same one where Duo and I had found Quatre. "Lunch," I said, turning off the engine.

They stepped out of the car quietly and followed me to a table. The waitress came almost immediately with three menus on her hands. She smiled at us but left quickly when none of us returned the gesture.

We placed our order and managed to wait for our food without speaking to each other. Wufei was looking straight ahead, Trowa watched the people pass out the window and I looked at the people entering and leaving the diner. It wasn't awkward, but it wasn't a comfortable silence either. I waited. I knew sooner or later one of them would ask the first question.

Our food was delivered and I was half way through my chicken sandwich when Wufei put the fork down, looked at Trowa and said, "You believe him."

Trowa finished chewing slowly, had a drink of his soda and the said, without looking at Wufei, "You know I do."

Wufei turned to me. "You believe him too."

I put my utensils on the plate and pushed it slightly away. I was done eating. "I know he tells the truth."

The sound Wufei made wasn't quite a snort but it came close to it. "I thought you had an analytical mind, Yuy. I never figured you would be prone to believe in spiritual explanations."

"I'm not sure I believe in spirituality," I said. "I'm not sure I don't either. But Quatre's empathy is a fact of science. One that hasn't been studied very much, but it doesn't mean it's not real."

Trowa looked surprised. I wasn't sure about what. He knew I believed Quatre. Wufei didn't answer me but I could see he wasn't convinced.

No one spoke another word.

* * *

Knowing that Duo and Quatre wouldn't be home for a few hours, I settled in the living room and began reading the files Doctor Dresdner had given me. The information on receptive empathy didn't give me many new details. Most of what it said I had already investigated on the net. I read it all anyway, knowing even a small fact could explain Quatre's condition, and I didn't want to miss it.

Receptive empathy had various levels that had been ranked from one to five. The first level was for empaths who could merely sense only the emotions of people they were close to and only when the emotions were very strong, and even then the feeling was fleeting and almost always ignored.

The receptive power increased with each level, the last one being for those who could sense anyone's emotions as strong as their own. The empathic abilities didn't manifest at birth, but a couple of years later as level one and they grew as the child developed, but very few grew to level five, and most stayed between level two and three.

Considering the information Quatre had given us and what I'd seen, he was between level four and five receptive.

Projective empathy was trickier. It only manifested with empaths who were over level four receptive. It was also divided into five levels although there were no proven cases of any empaths with levels four or five projective. The first level was the most common with highly receptive empaths. They could transmit a basic sense of emotion to the people around them, making the people around feel almost like level one receptive empaths themselves.

Level two empaths could project the feelings more strongly, making them feel like real emotions instead of just a sensation. There was a big leap between level two and three. Level three could not only project emotions but take them away. It was a twist on the receptive ability, meaning that empaths with this projective level could sense someone's emotions and take those onto themselves, making them disappear from the other person. There were very few documented cases and in all of them level three projective only manifested when the empath was really close to the person affected and the emotion was strong.

I stopped and reread the information on level three. Quatre's condition seemed to fit into this category. If the research was correct, then at some point Quatre's projective abilities had grown beyond what he expected and could control. The question was why.

One theory said that empathic abilities could grow with hormonal changes but this last development in Quatre's condition had happened recently, and we had all hit puberty a few years ago. There were other theories relating to woman's menstrual cycles and finally a third that stated that since the empathic abilities were such an integral part of the subject, they could develop if the subject suffered a handicap.

There were a few examples of how the abilities grew if the empath lost his sight, or hearing. The empaths used the emotions of the people around them to help them deal with their own shortcomings. There was story about a woman diagnosed with heavy depression who pulled through without the use of medication, thanks to the fact that her empathy allowed her to feel emotions around her as if they were her own. She had the ability to feel happiness again.

What if Quatre's ability was acting in a similar way?

He had been lonely. Trowa had gone to Wufei, I was with Duo and none of us were there for him. His sister was having an engagement party, another reminder of what he didn't have, and the empathy had taken over, drowning the loneliness with stolen emotions.

Quatre's empathy had acted to protect him, but the result had left Quatre in a heavy state of depression, alone, and scared.

The problem was loneliness and I didn't know how to fix it.


	6. Hollow 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the war Heero has found his way, but some of the pilots are still trying to find theirs.

It was our turn to cook this week. Neither Duo nor I had the skills Hilde did, but we managed to make decent stuff and Hilde wasn't a picky eater. I was in the kitchen, chopping vegetables for a tuna salad, when Wufei walked in through the kitchen door. Without a word, he grabbed another knife and started chopping the lettuce.

"Did you read those files?" he asked, after a moment.

"Yes." I kept my eyes on the vegetables.

"I know Quatre isn't lying, but perhaps he's just telling us what he thinks is the truth." His tone was careful, but I could detect some worry there too.

I raised my eyes. "He's not crazy."

"I'm not implying that." Wufei met my eyes. "I respect him very much, and care for him. I also know he cares a lot for other people, sometimes too much, and it might be that caring that makes him think he can sense others."

Shaking my head, I put the knife down on the table. "If it is in his head, then it is in my head too, Wufei."

He frowned. "Do you feel people too?"

"No, but I've felt Quatre." I took a bowl off a shelf and dropped the chopped vegetables inside.

"How?" Wufei's voice wasn't so full of skepticism now, it was more curious than anything.

"He helped me break Zero's hold when we were on the moon base, and he's helped me with my nightmares." I poured some vinegar inside the bowl. Wufei looked confused and I wonder if he had felt Quatre yesterday. "Why is this so hard for you to accept?"

"It defies logic," Wufei said, stiffly, and handed me the tray with chopped tomatoes. I took it and dropped the tomatoes in the bowl.

"As opposed to fifteen year olds flying Gundams, me surviving self destructing, or your superior martial art skills?"

"Training, Yuy. We trained and earned those abilities. It's not something that magically happened." He placed the knife on the table and walked to the sink to wash his hands.

"He trained his abilities too." I mixed the salad and then took the tuna out of the fridge. Not bothering with a can opener, I simply used the knife, opened the can and dropped the tuna in the bowl. Using a long spoon, I started mixing, adding some mayonnaise.

Wufei was quiet for a long time. I finished the salad, covered the bowl and put it on the fridge. Hilde, Duo and Quatre would be home soon and then we could eat. I put the utensils in the sink and washed my hands. Duo could wash all the plates later. We had a deal, whoever made dinner, didn't have to clean up.

"Would he show me if I ask him to?" Wufei looked thoughtful.

"I can't answer for him," I said. "But I think he will."

Wufei nodded. "Thank you."

* * *

Dinner that night was better. Duo talked animatedly with Hilde about the scrap yard business, Trowa made comments, Wufei made smart remarks and even Quatre contributed to the conversation now and then. For a while it seemed like we weren't here to solve a problem but just to have fun together.

When we were done, Wufei asked Quatre to go out for a drink. They all seemed surprised but Quatre just nodded, stood up and followed Wufei outside.

"That was unexpected," said Duo, standing up and cleaning the dishes from the table.

"He wants to talk with Quatre about his empathy." Trowa helped Duo with the dishes and without being asked, started to wash them.

Duo shook his head. "Still doesn't believe him, uh?"

"I think he wants to." I moved my chair back so I could sit more comfortably. "He just doesn't know how."

"It's easy." Duo turned to look at me. "You believe him and that's it."

"It isn't that simple for him." Trowa didn't turn his eyes away from the dishes. "When Quatre was hurt on Libra, I heard him call me. I wasn't near him but I knew that he needed me. Wufei tried to explain it as battle instinct. Then I told him that even when my memory was lost I could hear Quatre calling for me outside the colony; I knew he was sad and needed me. Wufei said that my subconscious was just trying to give me clues to remember." He put the last plate on the drying rack and finally looked at us. "If he accepts Quatre's empathy… then he accepts Quatre and I share a connection."

For a long minute no one said anything. Duo's eyes were cast down and when he raised them he was glaring at Trowa. "Is there a connection?"

"Yes." Trowa held Duo's gaze. "Quatre has always been special."

"Not special enough to stay with him?" Duo's voice was low and dangerous. "You chose Wufei, left Q, but you still want him. You've hurt him enough, Trowa. You can't keep playing with him like this. And what about Wufei? I'll be damned if you hurt another one of my friends."

"I care for them too." Trowa's tone was controlled. "More than you can imagine. I never meant to hurt Quatre. He was the one who told me to go to Wufei."

"Would you have stayed?" Duo's voice softened. "If he had asked you to?"

"Yes."

"Does Wufei know?" I asked.

"Yes."

If Wufei knew what had happened between Trowa and Quatre then his actions made more sense. He was afraid to lose Trowa. "Did he tell you he was afraid that you and Quatre shared a connection?"

"No." Trowa dried his hands on a rag and sat down on the chair he had previously occupied. "But he's not as skeptical as he appears to be. There has to be some other reason why he's so reluctant to believe Quatre."

"Quatre doesn't only share a connection with you." I didn't mean to sound cold. "During the war there was more than one instance in which he reached out to me empathically."

"You shouldn't be jealous," Duo commented casually. He pulled his chair closer to me and sat down. "You gave him up."

"He gave me up," Trowa murmured.

"You're both fools!" Duo grabbed my hand. "And now you've got Wufei mixed up in the mess."

Trowa lowered his eyes.

"Have you found an answer yet?" I asked Trowa.

He looked at me. "I won't hurt Wufei."

Duo looked curiously between the two of us but didn't question us.

"But you still love Quatre," I finished. The hurt was clear in Trowa's eyes.

"I love them both," Trowa said.

"So Quatre gets the short end of the stick, uh?" Duo gave Trowa a sad smile. "He's so lonely."

"I think that's what affecting his empathy," I commented.

Duo's and Trowa's eyes were quickly fixed on me. "What do you mean?" The concern was obvious in Trowa's voice.

"According to Dr. Dresdner's files, a development such as this in his projective abilities could be a way for his empathy to cover for another handicap, be it physical or emotional. Empaths need other people much more than any of us do. Loneliness is a handicap for them and Quatre's abilities acted to protect him."

Duo's eyes narrowed. "Protect him? He was so scared he left his family and his friends! He made himself even lonelier than he was."

I nodded. "Yes. Quatre unintentionally took others' emotions to fill his emptiness. But Quatre is too caring to allow that and he dealt with it the only way he could; running away."

"I did this." I don't think I've ever heard such sadness in Trowa's voice before.

"We all did," I said.

Duo looked down at his hands. "The question is how do we fix it?"

* * *

Trowa had fallen asleep on the couch, waiting for Wufei and Quatre to come back. Duo and I had gone upstairs, after we noticed that Trowa didn't need company but privacy. He had fallen silent after our conversation and his features had settled in a blank and distant look. He did admit he would rather wait here than go back to Hilde's, so we handed him a blanket and let him stay on the couch.

The moment we closed our bedroom door, Duo was pressing me against the wall, kissing me. I kissed him back, let my hands rest on the small of his back and pulled him closer. His hands roamed up and down my torso, fingers scraping over my chest.

Soon our clothes were gone and we were both in bed, naked, touching each other. I could see Duo biting his lip to keep his cries to a low moan as I prepared him quickly. He lay in bed, legs parted, looking up at me. When I entered him, his nails dug into my shoulders and his mouth opened in a silent cry. I shut my eyes tightly, taking deep breaths until I was able to move.

He wrapped his legs around my waist, pulling me closer, and raised his hands above his head. "Touch me," he whispered.

I braced myself on one arm and moved the other hand to his cock, caressing him, teasing him. I buried my head in his shoulder, covering his neck in small kisses. Duo turned his head towards me, his eyes meeting mine, so intense and full of love.

He came first and a couple of thrusts later I followed. I collapsed on top of him, my head resting on his collarbone. He put a hand around my waist and another on my head.

We waited, not wanting to move.

* * *

It could have been minutes or hours later when we heard voices downstairs.

Not bothering with clothes, Duo and I just put our bath robes on and walked out of our room. We stopped at the top of the stairs. Trowa and Quatre were in the living room.

Quatre was standing by the couch and Trowa was sitting, the covers thrown to the side.

"You should go," Quatre said. "He's waiting."

Trowa rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands. "Why do you always tell me to leave?" Trowa's voice was barely over a whisper.

Quatre's shoulders slumped. "Because there's somewhere else you need to be."

Resting his elbows on his thighs, Trowa let his head drop on his hands. "How did it get to this?"

I could almost see Quatre swallow a sob. "It wasn't meant to be."

Trowa's head snapped up. "How do you know? How _did_ you know?"

"I didn't." Quatre was clutching his trouser leg. "But now we both do."

In a moment Trowa was up and walking towards Quatre. Shaking his head, Quatre took a step back. "Wufei is waiting," he said. His back hit the wall. Quatre kept his head down, refusing to meet Trowa's eyes. "Go to him."

Trowa stepped back, as if he had been hit. He just stood there for a moment before walking out in haste. The moment the door closed Quatre slid down the wall.

I turned to look at Duo. His hands were in fists and his eyes were trained on Quatre's figure but he hadn't moved. I was frozen too, not sure what to do.

"I know you are there." Quatre's voice cut the silence like a knife.

Apparently that was all Duo needed to dash down the stairs and throw his arms around Quatre. I followed, more slowly, and waited until Duo helped Quatre up and sat him on the couch, one of us on each side.

No one said anything for a while. Duo had his hand resting softly on top of Quatre's, his fingers moving slowly in a soothing motion. Duo's foot was tapping softly on the carpeted floor. The silence was getting to him. I could see he wanted to talk but he wouldn't. He was waiting for Quatre to make the first move.

It took a few minutes but Quatre finally spoke, his eyes down and his voice soft. "Wufei believes me."

Our conversation with Trowa immediately came to my mind, and I wondered what had taken for Wufei to snap out of his denial.

"How did you swing that?" Duo asked.

"He kissed me."

Duo's foot stopped tapping. "What?"

Moving his hand away from Duo, Quatre folded his hands on his lap. "It wasn't until he kissed me that his skepticism faded away."

"Wait," Duo said, waiving his hands in front of him. "What exactly do you mean he kissed you? Was it a friendly kiss on the cheek, or was there tongue involved, what kind of kiss was it?"

I couldn't ask, my mouth was shut tightly and I couldn't find it in me to speak the words, but I also wanted to know exactly what had happened.

"It was a kiss on the lips." Quatre lifted his head just enough to give Duo a side glance and added, "Mouth closed."

"Why?" I swallowed. That one word had been difficult to pronounce.

Quatre sighed. "I'm not sure. It happened just before we decided to leave. We had been talking about my empathy. He wanted to know what happened with Saidah, and about the other episodes." He made a face, as if that last word tasted bitter. "He just listened, all night long, he heard me talk, and then I said I would prove it, if he allowed me, and that's when he kissed me." Quatre's finger's curled. "After that, he said he believed me, and I knew it was true."

"There's something you are not telling us," I said as I watched Quatre close his eyes.

Quatre's chin pressed to his chest and even through the curtain of hair I could see his eyes were still closed. "I…" He took a breath. "I liked it."

"What?" Duo's voice was louder than usually.

Quatre buried his head down further, if it was possible, and I gently put two fingers under his chin and lifted it. His eyes were open but he was avoiding looking at me or Duo.

Duo put a hand on Quatre's shoulder. "Q, do you have feelings for Wufei?" His voice was quiet now, soft, and free of judgment.

Tilting his head slightly, Quatre met Duo's eyes. "I don't know."

"And Trowa?" Duo glared at me as soon as I said the words.

"I love Trowa." Quatre's tone was sincere.

"What did you feel from Wufei?" I asked, remembering that Quatre had an insight none of us did.

"He was curious at first, and then, after the kiss he was nervous and confused. He loves Trowa, though," he said with a little smile. "That was as clear as it could be."

"I don't understand why Fei would kiss you," Duo said. "It seems out of character for him."

I shrugged. There are many things about Wufei we don't know.

"You smell of sex," Quatre's statement startled me. He smiled and added. "I'm glad."

"You're glad we're stinky, Q?" Duo raised an eyebrow. "Man, you're weird."

Quatre's smile brightened a little. "You know what I mean."

"I always do," Duo said, and smiled back. "Now if you just wait right here," he added, in a playful tone as he stood up from the couch, "I'll go change the sheets and then you can come to bed."

Quatre shook his head. "I'll stay here tonight."

"You are welcome to join us," I said.

"It's okay." Quatre stood up and started arranging the pillows on the couch. "I'd rather sleep alone tonight."

I stood up but waited, not sure about leaving. Duo, however, gave Quatre a hug, and then a small kiss on the check before saying goodnight, and walking to the stairs.

"Go, Heero." Quatre smiled at me.

"Goodnight." I kissed him on the forehead and walked to the stairs. Duo was waiting for me there. He pulled me into a kiss and then put an arm around my waist. We climbed the stairs and headed straight for bed, not bothering to change the sheets.

* * *

Duo woke me up. He climbed into bed, fresh from the shower, his hair still unbraided and dripping, and kissed me, hard. He ran his hands up and down my chest and delivered little kisses to my neck and collarbone.

I smiled, put my arms around him, and pulled away the towel around his waist. I caressed his thighs and ass, letting the tip of my fingers tickle the skin just above his hipbone. He moaned. He always does when I do that.

"We can't," he said, pushing my hand away. "Cat is downstairs. He'd feel us and I don't think he's ready to deal with that yet."

I groaned. "You are a tease."

He kissed me again before climbing off the bed and walking naked to the closet. "I'll make it up to you. Promise."

I groaned again and snuggled under the covers, watching Duo dress. "Are you taking Quatre with you today?"

"No," Duo said, buttoning up his work jeans. "I'll need him tomorrow though." He put on a t-shirt and then sat on the bed to put on a pair of socks and his work boots. "Why? Think I should? He might need the distraction."

I watched him braid his hair quickly, but I didn't move. I was too comfortable. "Don't take him unless you really need him. He might need some time to think."

He kissed me again. "I have to go. Keep an eye on him." He didn't wait for me to nod before he was out of the room.

It was early. I closed my eyes ready to sleep some more. A few minutes later another body climbed onto the bed. I moved aside to give Quatre some room.

* * *

Quatre was still sleeping when I woke up again, but as soon as I sat up he opened his eyes.

"Sorry," he said, and gave me a sheepish smile. "I was cold. Duo sent me here. He said you wouldn't mind."

"I don't. We've shared before."

"That was different." He sat up slightly and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. "It was the war. You didn't have a choice."

In the time we had spent together on Earth the conditions had been less than adequate. We moved around a lot, which often left us huddled on the ground sharing a blanket we had stolen just after we crashed. Even the few times we both had a space to sleep we tended to stay close together. It was important to know I had an ally nearby. Duo had taught me it was alright to sleep close to someone you trusted. At first he had said it was to stay warm, then I understood it was to stay sane. Capture is never easy.

Back then, I had the opportunity to give Quatre what Duo had given me: a link to sanity. He didn't think he deserved it then, and now, even though not as intensely as before, he was thinking himself unworthy again.

"Are you uncomfortable by sleeping next to me?" I asked.

His eyes opened wider, as if he had just now woken up. "This is yours and Duo's bed. It isn't right for me to be here."

"Why?"

Clutching the edge of the blankets with his fingers, Quatre opened his mouth to reply and then closed it again. He shook his head. "I'm imposing on you too much already." He laughed but the sound was bitter. "You can't even have sex with me around." He sat up completely now and looked at my eyes when he said, "I think it's time for me to go."

"No." The word left my mouth immediately.

"I'm better now, Heero. My empathy isn't so…" he paused to search for the word, "erratic. You've done what you could, and I'm grateful, but I can't stay here forever."

"Where would you go?" I should have said no again. He wasn't leaving. I wasn't going to let my friend down again.

He shrugged. "I'll figure it out."

"You are running again." He held my gaze; some of the fight that was usually in Quatre's eyes was back. "You are making the same mistake you made when you told Trowa to leave."

His eyes narrowed slightly and he let the blankets go. "It wasn't a mistake. He wanted Wufei and that's what he got. End of story."

"Then why are you afraid?" There was still fight in his eyes but he looked down for a moment, a second, and that was enough for me to know. "You know how they feel," I whispered.

Quatre's shoulders slumped. "No. I'm confused. I'm feeling what I want, not what's real. It's a trick."

"You don't believe that," I said, putting a hand on top of Quatre's. He was freezing. "If you did, you wouldn't be afraid."

He didn't reply. We stayed there, on the bed, me holding his hand, and Quatre looking away. I could wait until he was ready to talk but this time, I wasn't letting him run.

* * *

I would have waited all day if I had to, but half an hour later there was a knock on the door. The robe I had put on last night was still tied loosely around me. I climbed out of bed and walked downstairs, fastening the robe properly.

Trowa and Wufei were at the door, fully dressed. Wufei smirked when he saw me, then glanced at his watch and shook his head. "It's mid morning."

Since I didn't have a watch on, I grabbed his wrist and looked at his. "It's nine fifteen."

He snatched his hand back but before he could argue with me, like I knew he would, Trowa said, "There's something we need to do. Can we borrow your jeep?"

I yawned and nodded. Grabbing the keys from their place at the table I threw them at Trowa. He caught them easily. "Don't worry about dinner tonight," Trowa said. "We'll bring something."

I raised my eyebrow and nodded again. I wasn't going to pass on the opportunity of better food than what Duo or I are capable of preparing. They both turned around and headed for the jeep. I watched them pull out the driveway before I closed the door.

Seeing as I was already downstairs, I set out to make breakfast for me and Quatre. Duo had put on the coffee before he left so some toast and eggs was all I needed to make. Quatre came into the kitchen a few minutes later, showered and dressed in one of my sweatpants and Duo's batman t-shirt. "I can't keep stealing your clothes," he said, looking down at himself.

I turned off the stove and divided the eggs in two plates. "Get the toast." I pointed to the oven with my head. "You look good in our clothes. Less corporate."

He laughed. "Not like Master Winner, you mean."

I shrugged. "That's just a costume. This is more you."

He put the toast on the table at the same time I put the plates. He poured us both some coffee and we sat down, eating quietly. After a few bites he put his fork down on the plate and said, "I don't think I want to go back." He tried to give me a smile but it disappeared almost as soon as it formed. "Even if I'm no longer a threat, I don't want to go back to L4." A pause. "It was lonely there."

"You can stay here." I finished my eggs and started with the toast.

"Heero, you and Duo have already done too much for me. You need your privacy. I can't stay here forever."

"Certainly. This house is too small. However, you can stay on L2." I brushed some crumbs from my robe. "Didn't you say your company was handling a project here? You should stay and oversee it."

He looked down to the side and frowned slightly. I knew he was contemplating my words carefully, weighting his options and seeing if it was a feasible solution. He sighed, so softly that if the room hadn't been in complete silence I wouldn't have noticed. "You are wondering about them."

"I shouldn't," he said, looking back at me. "It's not like…" he shook his head and left the thought unfinished.

"Maybe you should." I finished my toast and started on the coffee. It was warm, not hot, just how I liked it.

"Don't say stuff like that, Heero." Pushing his plate away, Quatre crossed his arms over the table, his fingers curled.

"Why?"

"Because I can't afford to hope." He bit his lip. "I should call my family and the Maguanacs. They must be worried." He stood up, gathered the empty plates and placed them on the sink. "Can I use your phone?"

I gave him a look and he smiled. "Thank you."

After he finished with the dishes, he headed for the kitchen door. "What are you going to say?" I asked, just before he left.

He didn't turn around. "That I'm done running, and that I'm staying here."


	7. Hollow 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the war Heero has found his way, but some of the pilots are still trying to find theirs.

I worked all morning. For a little while, Quatre sat with me, reading a book quietly, and then, close to lunch time, he said he wanted to take a walk and that he would be back later. I let him go. He didn't say anything about his phone calls and I didn't ask, but he did seem more relaxed than before.

A little after one in the afternoon, I made myself a sandwich. Quatre probably wasn't coming back for lunch, and if he did, he could fix himself something later. I watched the news while I ate. Relena was on a colony on L1, discussing some trading agreement. She looked good. She had cut her hair since I last saw her on the vid and she looked more rested and as determined as always.

I realized then that it had been a while since I last called her. It's difficult to contact her, even if she always returns my calls when she can't take them. She's probably the busiest woman on Earth and the colonies, but that wasn't an excuse. Many times I had justified my lack of contact with Quatre the same way. He was the Winner heir and he probably had more important things to do than talk to me. I had been wrong and Quatre had been hurt. I wasn't going to take the chance that that could happen to another good friend.

Finishing my lunch, I left the plate on the sink and headed upstairs to use my laptop to make a call. Relena had given me a private number, the one where she could always be reached, no matter in which part of the universe she was.

I was more than surprised when Dorothy Catalonia's face appeared on the screen.

"Mr. Yuy. Well, this is a surprise."

"Where's Relena?" I can't say I hate Dorothy. I don't care enough about her to, but I do dislike her very much. She likes to play games and tease and there's nothing I care for less than Dorothy's antics and mind games. I wanted to speak with Relena, and as soon as I did, I was going to find out what that woman was doing answering Relena's private line.

"My, my, Mr. Yuy. I would have thought peace time would have taught you some manners." She brushed her hair back and the corner of her lip turned upwards as she waited for me to answer.

"Where is Relena?" I repeated, using my coldest tone and glaring at her.

"You are as charming as usually, Mr. Yuy." She licked her lips slowly. "Miss Relena is naked. I'll have her call you back as soon as she gets some clothes on. Good evening, Mr. Yuy."

The screen went black and it took me a moment to realize Dorothy had disconnected the call. I growled.

Not five minutes after, Relena called. For what I could see on the screen, she was dressed, her hair impeccable as always but she was blushing, slightly. Relena didn't blush easily. "You are not naked," I said.

She laughed, not bothering to put a hand in front of her mouth, and then gave me a wide smile, the type the cameras never get to see. "We don't speak in months and this is the way you greet me, Heero?"

"Dorothy answered your private line." I scowled.

Relena's smile changed, but it was still sincere, just different. "She likes to tease, Heero. You shouldn't take it personally."

"Why is she with you?" I insisted.

She rolled her eyes. "Really, Heero, you are just too over protective. Dorothy is a friend. You don't need to worry about her."

"She has already put a sword through one of my friends. I don't trust her."

Her face sobered slightly. "She doesn't carry swords anymore." I was about to protest but she held up her hand. "Trust me in this, Heero. She's a friend."

I growled again. I haven't spent so much time with Relena without learning that when she uses that tone of voice, not even a Gundam can make her change her mind. And she was using it over Dorothy, of all people!

"Stop scowling, Heero. It makes you look fifteen again." She was grinning and I couldn't help but give her a small smile of my own. "Better," she said. "I'm happy you called."

"I'm sorry I haven't in a while."

She waved her hand, dismissing the apology. "I didn't call either so I guess we are even."

"You cut your hair."

She beamed and pulled some locks over her face. "Makes me look more mature."

The next thirty minutes were spent catching up. I forced myself not to ask more about Dorothy, and listen to Relena tell me about her trips, while I spoke about work and Duo. I mentioned all the pilots were here but I didn't tell her why. If she noticed something was wrong, she didn't show it. I said goodbye, promising to call in a couple of weeks.

"Not if I call you sooner," she said before winking and disconnecting the call.

* * *

Duo and Quatre came through the door at the same time, chatting amiably and laughing. I was lying on the couch, reading a book. It had been a while since I had the house to myself, and I enjoyed the few hours I had. Despite that, hearing Duo and Quatre teasing each other like they normally did was the most welcome sound I've heard the whole afternoon.

"Having you here is gonna be great!" Duo said, giving Quatre a one arm hug. "We can terrorize the town together, and you can help me scare off Hilde's new guy."

"I thought she wasn't telling you who it was," Quatre replied, and then noticed me in the couch and waved. "Hi, Heero."

I just smiled as greeting. Duo walked over to me, kissed me thoroughly and said, "Missed me, handsome?"

"Always." I put my arms around his back and pulled him down towards me.

Duo laughed and pillowed his head on my chest, turning to look at Quatre who was still standing by the door. "She didn't tell me but today at work Jeffrey was acting way too nervous, so I asked him and turns out he's the bastard dating Hilde. I tried to fire his ass but Hilde wouldn't let me." Duo grumbled but then raised his head from my chest and smiled. "But I have a plan. Q, you just need to buy his house and evict his ass, and buy any other place he would like to move in and evict him again, until he gets the hint and moves to another colony."

I laughed and Duo glared at me. "What?"

"I'm not doing that, Duo," Quatre said, saving me from having to reply. "Hilde can take care of herself."

"She deserves better than Jeffrey. I know how much the bastard makes." Slowly, Duo stood up and nudged me to sit up straight and make room for him. He sat close to me and then patted the spaced beside him, beckoning Quatre to join us.

Quatre looked hesitant for a moment but then smiled and sat down next to Duo. His smile was real, and I was happy to realize that he was smiling more. There was still a hint of sadness hidden in his eyes but the despair and deep sorrow I had sensed when we first found him was gone.

Putting his head on my shoulder, Duo asked, "What's for dinner?"

Quatre turned on the vidscreen and started skimming the channels while I told them that Trowa and Wufei had said they would take care of the food.

"I was wondering about the jeep. Where did they go?"

I shrugged at Duo. He rested on my shoulder for a few minutes before he stretched his arms above his head and stood up. "I guess I'd better have a quick shower, then." He kissed me on the cheek and dashed for the bathroom.

"Were you at the scrap yard?" I asked Quatre while I extended my legs before me.

"I ran into Duo on the way here." Quatre took off his shoes and sat cross legged on the couch. "I went for a walk. I want to get a feel of the colony."

"It's a long walk to the north part of the colony."

Quatre looked puzzled for a moment. "The rich part? I'm not living there. I'm finding a place around here."

I frowned. While we hardly live in the slums, this part of the colony isn't where someone of Quatre's status should live. It was fine now, but as soon as people knew Quatre Raberba Winner was moving here, he would become a target. Rich and powerful people always are. "I don't think that's wise."

"Why?" Quatre didn't look guarded, and by his expression I knew that he would listen to me and weigh my words carefully.

"It's safer for you to live in the north part."

"I can take care of myself," he said, casually.

"Yes, but that's no reason to place yourself in an unnecessary risky position." I put a hand on the back of the couch and shifted so I could look at him more easily.

His eyes narrowed slightly but he wasn't looking at me but at the wall behind me. I let him think about it and after a couple of minutes he said, "I wanted to be close to you and Duo, but…" He turned his eyes to me and gave me a resigned smile. "The name Quatre Raberba Winner closes as many doors as it opens."

I didn't say anything. It was true and we both knew it.

We stayed quiet for a while, until Duo came out of the shower, dressed in sweats and with his hair freshly braided but still dripping slightly. "Missed me?" he asked both of us before plopping in the couch between us.

"Always," I said, kissing him softly on the cheek.

Quatre laughed. "You've turned predictable! Heero Yuy and Duo Maxwell, Gundam pilots extraordinaire, have turned domestic."

"Domestic?" Duo turned to Quatre and started tickling him. "I'll give you domestic!"

Between laughs, Quatre fought back, trying to push Duo away. So, naturally, I stood up and helped Duo hold him down. "You should know better than to tease Gundam pilots and their relationships, Quatre," I said.

"All that's missing," Quatre managed to say, still laughing, "is an apron."

I was busy tickling Quatre's armpit when the doorbell rang.

"Food's here!" Duo said, finally letting Quatre go. He went to open the door as Quatre panted while letting out a few last laughs.

"You're evil," Quatre said when his breathing was back to normal.

I smirked. "You asked for it, Winner."

Trowa, Wufei and Duo walked into the living room before Quatre could reply.

"Thank you," Trowa said, throwing the jeep keys back at me. "We brought Chinese."

"You always bring a Chinese with you," Duo muttered, and Wufei elbowed him on the ribs.

I stood up and headed for the kitchen. "Let's eat then."

* * *

Hilde had another date with Jeffrey tonight, which of course prompted Duo to a half an hour discussion on the best way to drive Jeffrey out of the colony and away from his precious Hilde. I wasn't that happy about Jeffrey either but if I know something it's that Hilde isn't stupid or hands over her heart easily. I trusted her judgment, but if the bastard ever hurt her, then I would do more than simply driving him out of the colony.

Duo ranted about Jeffrey during the whole dinner, so we didn't brush any other subject, like Quatre's decision to move to L2 or whatever Wufei and Trowa had done today.

We all cleaned the plates quickly and then gathered in the living room. That's when I noticed Trowa had disappeared somewhere and Wufei was looking smug.

Duo barely started another rant against Jeffrey when Wufei stopped him. He walked over to Quatre, who had taken a seat on the far end of the couch, and stood before him. "Trowa and I were talking yesterday, and we realized we haven't been very good friends to you." Quatre opened his mouth to protest but Wufei lifted a hand and stopped him with the gesture. "We intend to change that."

Trowa walked into the room holding a case. He handed it to Quatre and I knew then that there was a violin inside. "It's not the best," Trowa said. "We want you to always have music in your life."

Quatre's eyes hadn't moved from the case since he first noticed it. He ran his fingers over the lid, slowly, and finally, very carefully, he opened it. He didn't remove the instrument but just looked at it for a long moment. His fingers disappeared inside the case and his lips curved slowly into a smile. When he looked up, his eyes were bright.

He looked at both Wufei and Trowa, in turn before bowing his head slightly and whispering a simple but heartfelt, "Thank you."

Duo was clutching my shoulder, peering over it to look at what was going on at the other end of the couch. "Would you play for us, Cat?"

Quatre nodded and smiled at Duo, before standing up gracefully and removing the violin and bow from the case. He walked around the coffee table and stood before it. Wufei and Trowa settled on the couch, and we all waited for him to start.

He tested the strings first, tuning the violin until he was pleased with the sound it made. Then he looked at us before closing his eyes and settling the instrument under his chin.

The first notes were slow, filling the room little by little, as if they were trying not to intrude but merge into the environment, almost unnoticed. Quatre's fingers moved leisurely over the strings, caressing them, as if he was getting to know the violin, politely introducing himself.

After a little while I closed my eyes, concentrating on the music, but I could still see Quatre in my mind's eye, the way he played, how his mouth was set in a straight line and his face looked almost relaxed.

The rhythm started to increase, so slowly that I didn't realize it until I felt Duo's fingers tapping quickly on my upper arm, following the beat. I opened my eyes then and watched Quatre's fingers fly over the strings, the bow moving fast, causing his back to arch in graceful moments.

And the rhythm quickened some more.

I felt Duo put his arms around me and I leaned back into the embrace, feeling the need to be close to him, to touch him, to know that he was there for me, that he loved me.

I risked a glance to my side and noticed that Wufei and Trowa had their arms entwined, but their free hands were tense, their fingers moving randomly as if they wanted to reach for something but couldn't find it.

And the violin played even faster.

There were a few droplets of sweat on Quatre's brow. His eyes were still tightly shut but his lips had parted slightly, giving the illusion that he was letting out a silent cry that could only be heard in his music.

I curled my fingers around Duo, feeling a sense of calm within the mad and rapid notes. As long as I was with Duo everything would be alright. He was there for me, I was loved.

And then, as slowly as the music had started, a faint glow started appearing around Quatre.

I opened my mouth, not sure what to say to stop it, when I noticed Wufei and Trowa standing up. They walked over to Quatre, their hands still clasped, and stood behind him to either side. Each put a hand over Quatre's shoulder and then, instantly, the glow disappeared.

And the music stopped.

* * *

Quatre hadn't spoken in the last hour.

He let us tend to his fingers, which had been bleeding by the time he stopped playing, and drank a glass of water. But then, he just sat on the couch, quietly, refusing to speak a word.

We were gathered around him, waiting for him to be ready to talk to us. We hadn't discussed what had happened either, silently agreeing to wait for Quatre to make the first move.

Fifteen minutes later Quatre said, "Sorry." His voice was soft but he startled us. We had grown used to the quiet.

"Why?" Trowa was beside him in a moment, holding Quatre's hand between his. Wufei stood up and knelt in front of Quatre, putting a hand on Quatre's knee.

"I didn't mean to," Quatre continued, as if he hadn't heard Trowa. "I thought I was getting better but…"

"Quatre, you didn't do anything," I said. I had my arms around Duo and I was resting my chin over his shoulder. We were standing beside the coffee table, watching the other three on the couch.

Quatre's eyes turned to me. "You and Duo felt love, so much love for each other, and I was taking that away from you. I was stealing it."

I shook my head. He hadn't.

"No, Q," Duo said. "We were feeling that, and maybe you felt it too, but you didn't take it away, not a bit, not even for a second."

Quatre frowned. "But I—"

"No," Duo interrupted. "I know my feelings, I know my love for Heero, and you didn't tamper with it. I would have known if you had."

I nodded. Duo's words were true.

"That's not all I did," Quatre whispered, and turned his gaze to Trowa and Wufei. "When you touched me, I saw." He lowered his head. "I didn't mean to."

"What did you see?" Wufei's tone was neutral and I couldn't tell if it was accusing or just simply curious.

"Everything."

After that word, the silence returned.

Maybe I should have taken Duo upstairs and given the others some privacy but I couldn't bring myself to move, I felt I needed to be there for all of them. They were my friends, my family, and I wasn't going to leave them.

"Tell us," Trowa said, breaking the silence.

Quatre looked between Trowa and Wufei a few times before he said, "I didn't want to believe it, but it's true." He sighed but a small smile formed on his lips. "It's true."

"What?" Duo asked, his voice soft, as if he was afraid to scare Quatre back into silence.

Quatre kept his eyes on Wufei and Trowa. "I saw your feelings." He paused. "And I don't know what to do with that knowledge."

Trowa and Wufei shared a look. There was a lot of meaning in that look, meaning I couldn't hope to grasp, but somehow, I thought Quatre could read into it, not only because of his abilities, but because he was allowed to.

Quatre closed his eyes. "Then you know."

Another long look passed between Wufei and Trowa, and then Wufei said, "Yes. We talked last night."

Quatre's eyes didn't open.

"We understand now." Trowa's voice was calm, as always, but I could detect a hint of longing. "I'm sorry I hurt you, Cat."

"We hurt each other." Quatre opened his eyes slightly.

"I don't regret leaving," Trowa continued, glancing at Wufei. "But I do regret not understanding sooner."

"Quatre, I am forever grateful to you for sending Trowa to me." The neutrality was completely gone from Wufei's voice, and it now reflected his feelings as clearly as Quatre's eyes always did. "I know it hurt you both terribly, and for that I'm sorry. I know this has been a rough test for you but it allowed me to understand myself, and my heart better." Wufei paused, and I swear I could hear his heart pounding in his chest. "It led me to you."

Quatre's eyes opened fully. He looked at Wufei for a long time and then turned his eyes to Trowa. "I can't come between you."

Trowa shook his head and Wufei said, "No. Never between us."

"Just," Trowa's voice broke slightly, "be _with_ us."

Duo gasped and I tightened my arms around him. I wasn't expecting this, and by Duo's reaction, neither was he.

"Do you want to?" Wufei asked.

"Yes," Quatre replied in a second. "But is that really possible?"

It was a short moment before Wufei admitted, "I don't know."

"We are willing to try, Cat," Trowa said. He sat close to Quatre, their shoulders touching and their hands still entwined. "Are you?"

Silence filled the room again and then, Quatre let out a sincere, "Yes."

* * *

Contrary to what Duo and I expected, Quatre didn't change his plans to move to L2.

After that night, Quatre, Wufei and Trowa spent two more days with us before going back to Earth, to talk.

Duo and I felt the loss of their company. Even though our little reunion had been filled with problems, we liked being with the others, it felt right. Their visit had shown us what we had been missing by being apart from each other.

We kept in touch over the phone, calling at least twice a week. The three of them seemed to be happy. Trowa and Wufei's classes had started and Quatre was living with them for the time being. They were getting to know each other again and trying to figure out if this new relationship had a future.

That's why we where surprised when, a month after they left, Quatre showed up on our doorstep.

This time he was the Quatre I remembered. He had gained the weight he had lost and he was smiling.

He spent the night with us, and Duo and I insisted he sleep upstairs in our bed rather than in the sofa. He smiled and accepted, and this time he didn't try to stay on the edge of the bed but slept close to us, snuggling between Duo and I.

Quatre told us that he had decided to move to L2, as planned, and see through the project he had been working so hard on.

"What about the guys?" Duo asked.

Quatre smiled. "They'll join me in a couple of months. They need to finish their degrees first."

"What would they do here?" Our colony didn't have many jobs for zoologists or historians and philosophers.

Quatre's smile widened. "It's all part of the project, Heero. This colony will be a better place, a starting point to help the development of all the other low resource colonies."

Duo looked doubtful. "Are you sure this'll work?"

"I'll make it work." Quatre's eyes were filled with the determination we were used to seeing in battle. If this project could ever come true, then I knew Quatre was going to be the one to make it happen.

"Are you all sure about this?" Duo continued. "I mean, we love you guys and all but are you sure this colony is the best place for you all to be?"

"Yes." Quatre's voice was certain. "What happened before, what happened with me, all of us running away from time to time, it happened because we pulled apart." He smiled at us. "That can't happen again. The most important thing is to stay together."

I took Quatre's hand. "Are you staying together?"

"It's working," Quatre said, smiling sincerely. "It isn't perfect but we want to make it work. We'll do whatever it takes."

Duo took Quatre's other hand. "This was a weird outcome but as long as you are happy, you know we'll stand by you guys forever."

Quatre pulled Duo and I into an embrace. "I know. You showed that to me, and now I'm determined to be here for you, as you were all there for me."

"That's just what friends do," Duo said.

"What family does," I added.

Quatre squeezed us tightly and before he let us go, he gave each of us a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you," he said, and I could feel every bit of his gratefulness and love for us.

Duo grinned. "Don't mention it."

I smiled at Quatre and nodded. I knew he could read my words without me speaking them.

He smiled back.

Some things never change.

 

\- The End -


End file.
